Hello everyone.. First i need to apologize for the lack of updates. This momma really has no excuse other than i was really trying to shut myself away from this pregnancy. Trying to guard myself. Who am i kidding.. I am attached to this baby like i am with all of mine.. So do expect full updates from here on out and i will still ramble about my angels bc i really am having a hard time lately with all that. So yeah.
June 20th just stopped by and well as most of you know I HATE the 20th of any month now.. Just the number 20 just gives me emotions running through my body. But this month.. it was just a rough day all in all. I know i am not the only one in the medical field and well my morning started off kind of crappy then i heard about the pregnancy pact crap.. i go could on about that forever. I dont get it. I have family that has been trying for 7yrs and this shit happens.. makes me want to barf. then i get stupid ass comments from some unmentioned family members about how my angels were meant to be just that angels.. sure that was god's full intention.. okay. whatever. then i go to work and i love my pt's i really do and when one that i have a good relationship with has to get grave news.. not so good. (Oh yeah. i know some people are emersed in this more than i and you know that is your job.. but it is still hard no matter how you try to anty up one on the case. which i might add someone tried to do!) my heart just could not take no more beatings. this family wants their little girl so badly and yet it will be slowly slipped away.. and these stupid ass yahoos get a baby.. i hope karma bites these people in the ass. but back with one of my pt's.. you watch this child grow. celebrate movement, picking up a cheerio, saying the word dada.. and now ugh.. this. i thought for one moment.. maybe i need to get out of the business that maybe i just need to stay on academics. but then i talked with some folks plus the mother and she was like omg you mean so much to us. which i might add made me cry buckets. i really feel for her as a mother.. you know. i dont look at any of my pt's as just that pt's they are all like my babies and family. so after that.. then i get some tightening with this pregnancy. oh god i prayed please dont.. so we go sit in the ER for hrs and be told you are not at the viable point yet so you are way down on the list.. THANKS YOU ASSHOLES! thankfully some of my medical knowledge along with a call to the ob and we figured out Alisha is dehydrated. ugh more water.. i swear i am a damn lake or something. (before pregnancy too!) So we are good now. But yeah. I just wish life could be fair to the people who deserve it. And i also wish the healing of my heart could hurry or something bc man this crap still hurts 9 months later. 9 months later i still wonder what he would have looked like, how he would have slept, if i could have breastfed, would he look like his daddy. My heart just aches. And it makes it that much harder to bond with this little life inside of me. But yeah.
Okay so some of my annoyances lately.. i have to dish. I am tired of people asking me am i happy about this.. Well when i give you a true answer and say i am scared.. they say well you are the one who got pregnant again. YEAH you dip whit that does not make it easy! I have to worry everyday whether or not i have living being inside of me. Okay but those answers are only to close people not just strangers. kwim.
Then i got the comment about my injections. A person told me that they thought it was not worth it. Okay so giving your loved one an injection to keep them alive would not be worth it??? Essentially that is the case here. I have to take them to keep this little one in and alive! Oh i could go on and on.
So for the pregnancy update. I am 18.3wks pregnant. Dh felt the baby move tonight for the first time. It was a very exciting moment! We were so freaking happy! I started my injections this past wednesday and may i say OUCH! My bum still freaking hurts! I will be doing them weekly. So tonya if you are still reading.. BRING MY BUTT PILLOW! lol. She so threatens to bring me one after the delivery of my kids. My next appt is july 8th. My next u/s is June 30th. We are hoping to find the gender out then. Got my fingers crossed. But if not all is well. We talked with my ob about labor and delivery last time. He would like to see me hit the 37wks mark. But if not just make it past the 33wk mark. Which i am praying we can get past that and have NO NICU time at all. We have already decided who we want with us and how we would like it to go but we know me and plans.. they dont coinside. I am just praying that i make it to the hospital in time for drugs. I had one drug free birth NOT by choice and i am not a volunteer for another. So i have a goal to make it to OCT 1 with no LD visits at all. Hmm this IS doable! :) Well that is it for now. Hopefully the next time you hear from me it will be pink or blue news!
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Yay! An update! Man, I thought I had to deal with stupid comments. You really do! What are the injections? I had injections while TTC and through pg. They suck - but yes, completely worth it. I think you should start to say what you really think when people make inane comments. Think how good you'd feel! "Are you happy about this pg"??? That might be one for the record books of stupidity.
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