Small update

We had kenadie's appt today. she gained 1 oz . her jaundice is still high at 14.5 doc says if it is not better by monday then back in the hossy we go. her heart murmur was louder today so the doc says she is concerned by this. we are going back to the hossy on 11/7 for in depth testing. they could not get a tech to do one today. the one good thing is her skin tone and circulation. so the pedi says that is a positive for us. i am praying it is just one of those things that she has to grow out of.
I will try and post story and pics tomorrow while the girls are down for nap.

Baby girl is here and we need some prayers!

I dont have much time but baby girl is here. 5.4lbs 17.25inches long. Kenadie Gayle is her name. The prayers part. The doc heard a murmur today and they are concerned with it. They are going to do an echo tomorrow. Also they are going to check her jaundice levels as they are high. She was an IUGR baby. I will post more details later. But please pray. I will try and update tomorrow!

Ramblings

Well i am still here and still pregnant. So i am guessing that is a good thing.
Today i am feeling rather blue. Just really missing my angel robert. Last night was my kid's open house at their school.. and it just made me feel a bit blue when i seen the dad's with their son's and what not. Walking down the hall i see a dad with his 8wk old baby boy.. i just stared for a min watching him love on him. Then my heart broke to pieces. I quickly said i have to go to the bathroom. (Good excuse when your pregnant!) I often wonder how Aaron would have been with his son. How they would have bonded and how he would have taken care of him. I know he would have been a momma's boy that is for sure.
Some part of me is almost regretting the doc telling me the gender of the baby that i lost. I can't for the life of me look at little baby boy stuff and baby boys the same way. I really feel jipped! I dont think it helps that people make comments about "oh you are having your third girl" or "aren't you going to miss out having a son" Well i do have a son but he is heaven. I have the paper to prove it in my med chart. I tend to think i am doing great with my emotions till people say stuff like that.
I think that some of my hormones are also getting to me today. I am so nervous about everything coming. Then i feel so guilty for not bonding with this pregnancy. I know it is normal that pal's do that but just does not feel right to me. Scares me about what if i dont bond after i have her. What if i dont get to take her home? I dont want to leave that hossy empty handed 3 times in a row!
I guess today.. i just really miss my angel and am an emotional bag. One thing i pray is that Angel Robert watches over this baby and his momma as we are about go thru this journey in 18 days! I also pray that this baby knows that i am not replacing.. i am adding to my family.

Appt update

hello all. well i will start out with the appt update. it was the appt i was not expecting at all. i am still sick. which sucks. weight was okay. i lost a few due to being sick. belly measuring okay. hb was a bit high but due to a low grade fever. cervix is still a 3. i was really hoping for more but whatever. then we do our chatting session. i tell him i am done and over this mess. i talked about my abdominal pain. i have a hernia. okay what to do.. he says it can be fixed after delivery. eh okay. then i tell him i think she is still sideways.. so he says hop down get dressed and go to u/s room. i go and low and behold.. she is FRANK BREECH! Head up on the left side, butt on my cervix and feet up by her noodle. i am in disbelief. i was like umm say what?! this is the straw that broke the camels back. he is going to have ortho take a peek at her hips when she is born bc she has been folded in half for the most of this pregnancy so they have to look at hip discotica (sp?). seriously.. when he said this business i just had enough. i did swallow my tears and hold them back till after i left. i told him he is not to leave my side until these tubes are tied. he said i know Christine has a sticky note with your reminder on it. Aw good nurse.. she looks out for me! Then he said that if i should go in labor ask for the anth that has bad teeth. So i told him i am going to have the anth smile and say cheese! lol.

So tempted to go to jail (LD)!

I am sitting here at 200am having contrx that make me wake up every 3-5mins.. I feel like my hoo ha is being ripped open! I keep telling myself if it goes away i will go back to bed in 10 mins.. still not stopping. I want this kid out! NOW! I will update about my appt tomorrow! I just hurt like HELL!

Does everyone have to put their two cents in on the matter?!

Okay really i am a bit frustrated. Let me say i am not competing for employee of the year but i am at work feeling like the world's worst piece of crap, have yet to miss all but one day due to this high risk pregnancy, and feel like i am going to cut someone's head off but have not yet. I go to make coffee this morning and one of the docs goes oh i dont want to touch that you look like you have pink eye. I tell her i got scripts yesterday and started them YESTERDAY... and she is like oh yeah sure you did. Um lady dont push my buttons. I am 35wks pregnant and very very irritable! So ms know it all does not know that i am on 3 scripts, one oral and two eye drops. My doc says after 24 hrs of antibiotics you are good to go. Eh whatever. Plus i asked my boss if i need to stay at home and she says i would like if you came into work. Okay great.. i am here but i get my damn head cut off. Then if ms know it all does not push my buttons further.. she says oh man.. i see you have your oatmeal and what not.. looks like you are eating healthy one time. WHAT? I mean.. hold on.. let me soak this in. Then she says howmuch weight have you gained? Okay hefer i am 10 secs shy of throwing my oatmeal at you. I promptly walk away before we have a dead faculty member! So that is my lovely friday morning!

you have got to be kidding me!

well today is certainly umm an interesting one. i wake up with an eye that is pooring with weepiness. no color tone just clear. then it decides to swell up and look like i have been in a boxing match. one of the neuros says it looks like i might be getting an infection in my eye and that i might want to start some antibiotics now so it does not go into that. He does NOT THINK it is pink eye. Which is great! I call the ob and tell them and the nurse just laughs with me on the phone. She says if it is going to be one of my pt's it is going to be you! lol. If it is not one thing it is another i tell ya. We also discussed my crapiness yesterday and she said if i can hold out till monday he will check me then and what not. eh whatever. Now i really dont want her coming till i get well. My allergies have decided eh lets bombard her now while she feels like crap. So i get to deal with those lovely pleasures along with my bowels deciding to rebel against me and not work. Ah life. Baby girl has decided again that she likes to lay sideways again. I am about to give up. If she stays that way then i have to just suck it up and deal with a c-section. I can ask my cousin what to expect and what not. She has had one. I have had 8 procedures so i know it will be no walk in the park on pain scale but i just dont know what all goes on. So maybe she can enlighten me if i need the enlightening.
Last night i was in some dire pain and contrx were coming every 1.5 mins. The kind were you want to punch your husband and tell him never to touch your body again unless he has had a vasectomy! LOL. I was ready for it to be over. Aaron told me to go lay down and take some benedryl and if they weren't any better than we would go to the hossy. He is so calm headed when i need him to be. But then he looks at me and rubs my belly and says think the 4th baby will be easier momma?! WTF?! UMMM fourth baby will be by the easiest pain wise bc we ARE NOT HAVING A FOURTH CHILD BIOLOGICALLY!
anywho.. that is our update.

Not feeling so good right now!

First off let me say that today is Infant & Pregnancy Loss Awareness day. I will be lighting a candle for both my angel babies tonight.
Now i am a bit concerned. I do not feel good at all! What's new about this you say.. I feel like i could throw up at any one minute.. I keep having contrx consistently. not painful just consistent. And i am pretty sure i lost the rest of mucus plug a bit ago. So i guess i just keep an eye on it and if it gets worse.. take my booty up to jail. Did i mention i hate that place?! But something is off with my body today.. Maybe i am just getting what dd had. All i know is i feel sick and hotflashes.

I forgot to mention.. I need some get welll vibes for my daughter

She is sick with a temp of 103F.. the highest has been 104F. We took her to the pedi today and they did bw. Her strep came back -, flu test -, and annomia test came back -. They dont know what is causing these high fevers. So we wait on the test results. Tonight my throat started killing me.. So i am praying i am not getting it. We talked to the ob about my dd being sick and he said "Alisha if you get a temp of more than 101 we have no choice but to admit you in the hossy hun". So please pray i dont get sick. I have tons i need to do in the next 28 days. Plus my kids need me and i need to work and make an income. Anywho. I will update when i hear something.

Almost 35 wk appt update

Hello all. Well today i had my almost 35wk appt update. Bp was a bit elevated but said it was fine. Weight... catch this.. i have NOT gained in almost 3wks!!! I could have sworn the nurse said i did last week.. but nope! In fact the ob is a bit concerned that i have not gained in almost 3wks and says that he really wants to watch baby girls growth next week. My belly measured a bit behind. But it has been for a bit now. She is going to be a tiny one. He is saying around 4.9-6.5lbs by the time of delivery. She was head down for him when he checked her position. But flipped again. He said she is small enough right now where she can still wiggle.. and that concerns him a bit too. So we need some grow vibes everyone. I want her here but i want to know she is going to be fine on that aspect too. He said she will be perfect just small and once she gets my breastmilk then she will fill out just like alexus did. She was 4.11 when we took her home and now 2yro she is 34inches tall and 33lbs. :) He said i produce butter! lol. He checked my cervix and we have CHANGE! :) It is a stretchy 3 on the bottom part and still about 2ish at the top. I am thinning more which he said that is great. My cervix is getting rather short he said and it has moved totally to the front. He would like me to wait till next week then he says i would feel much better about her coming then. So we will try and please the man and wait till next week or later. I still think she will be born on 11/11. We talked about the what if's.. I am scared as hell about the possibility of having a c-section and with my medical condition he said that he wants to avoid that at all costs! So that makes me feel a ton better but says that if i have to then my mom and dh can be in there with me and then he will ensure to take the steps nec to make sure that i dont have any partial obstructions with my bowels. I have had 13 so far. We are also going to take steps to make sure i dont get one after a vag birth either. Those hemmoroids can be a real pain in the ass! (punt was intended! lol) We talked more about my tubal. I am scared as crap that i am going to have this baby on the weekend and not get my tubal. So it looks as though on weekends i am NOT going to be trying to induce labor unless it is on a sunday! I want to make sure the baby factory is shut down and he said hun dont get me wrong but i want to make sure it does too! lol. Then we talked more about my induction.. Good thing i did. His scheduler did not mark it down in the books and i said eh buddy my induction for the 11th that we talked about.. he says um i dont have you down. Uh well you better mark me down. I said well you can do my tubal that day too huh. He said yep i usually do surgeries on wednesdays but for you i will do it on tuesday! How sweet. He said my wife wont let me come home unless it is done! haha funny man! So catch this.. i have to go at 430AM that morning.. holy shit! that is early! but we are going to take the kids to their caregivers the night before and then go have a baby if i am still pregnant then. He reminded me not to get my mind so cenetered around the induction as i am already 3cm dilated. Trust me folks.. i am not completely set on that date. I want her to come a bit sooner than that.. Maybe like November 5th or so. He said as long as i vote and my cousin has her baby. Hmm i guess i need to take my belly to her belly so they can have a chat! JK! lol. I can't wait to see her little man too. Oh i told him that i am going to start the EPO this weekend and he said have at it. It will help my labor be shorter if i more thinned out. I am all about short labors! :) Well that is about it on my front. So any day now people! I have an appt next monday where he will my GBS test and check on her fetal growth for me.

So miserable today!

I am so miserable today. I really am at a breaking point. I am so done and ready to have my baby in my arms. I know i have tons to do and have not a thing done but man i feel like i am dying. It hurts to move, bend, or just exert any type of energy. Every night i have contrx 2-3mins that i feel like i am going to die with them. Enough is enough. I guess i just need some prayers for some strength to make it another 3 wks or so.

Need some prayers for my family!

Hello all.. I am in need of some prayers for my family. My dad works at an airport and they are doing cutbacks due to the economy and so many company's cutting down the number of flights that come in and flight out through there. My dad is the sole provider for him and my mother and now they have cut him to 20hrs a week. No way a family can survive on that. His boss walked in the other day and they told him to go home and that they did not need him anymore due to the economy. My mother is disabled so she does draw a small disability check but still.. we need tons of prayers for my dad as he faces this rough time. He did go on an interview and hopefully with some added prayers he will get this opportunity. It would be a significant boost for him and my mother.
alisha

Spotting again today and just rambles

Hello all.. Well i am having some spotting today. Very light and not bright red so i am not concerned. Just means we might be having some progress going on down there. Only 13 days to go and i will be happy if she comes. :) She is laying sideways right now.. So if she has any plans on coming in the near future she needs to turn her butt back to being head down. I DO NOT want a C-section at all! I am petrified of having one. I dont know why but i just am. I have had 8 surgeries done so you would think i would be okay with the idea. But something just freaks me out about being awake and having them cutting on me. My doc told me my chances of having one are 3-5%. He has already reassured me that if i have to have one he will triple check to make sure i am numb and what not. If i do have to have one then while the shop is open then he will do my tubal then. Speaking of that. I am scared of having that done too. I am 100% sure i am finished having biological children. So it is not that. Just being awake for the procedure and then the pain afterwards. That really sucks.
Only 29 more days left until my last day of work. I am taking off of work on November 7th. My induction is scheduled for the 11th if i am still pregnant that long. God bless i am hoping i am not. I want to have her on the 1st of November. Although one of the docs i work for says to have her on the 20th of october or 8th of november.

Waving my white flag!

I am waving my white flag this morning. I am DONE! FINISHED! I am in tons of pain this morning. I *think* i have a uti, my bowels are being a pia, and my contrx are there but not being productive. At this minute i wish they were! Come on little girl.. you know you want to come out soon. Maybe next week?! lol. Really i hope she stays in till she is ready and healthy but today we are just feeling rather low! Did i mention i would pay someone to put me out of my misery? lol. Anywho.. that is it on this front.

Almost 34 wks appt update

hello all. well we are home from my appt. while i was there i was having contrx every 3-4mins so i had to stay a bit to be monitored in his office and see if she was going to make her debut today. after a bit we got the go ahead to go home.
before that.. i weighed.. now i just close my eyes tight and try not to listen to the bar moving. he says i am fine and that i will lose it later. he said it is the LAST of his concerns right now. bp was a bit elevated but that is due to me being in a huge amount of pain. chickpea's hb was 158 on the nose and kicked the nurse when the nurse rubbed my belly. i guess she is very territorial of her tight space! lol. we are still measuring on the small side but he said he could not ask for better movement patterns and we are still growing. next appt next week we will check position and weight. she keeps moving to the transverse position and then i will coarse her to go back head down. we need her to stay head down. although he says he firmly thinks that is what has kept me pregnant so long with her laying sideways for a while. well now that he says she can come go ahead lady bug and flip head down and slowly do some action. :) he checked my cervix and it was still about 3cm dilated, 45% effaced, and up front. we did the last ffn test today. and he checked to see if i was ruptured bc i am leaking so much that it is beyond belief but it is just my droopy bladder and tons of d/c. I got the GREEN LIGHT to start walking on my lunch breaks and do whatever i want starting tomorrow! I am so damn excited. We also talked about EPO and rasberry leaf tea. He said i can start taking 1 capsule per day at 34 wks then start the RLT at 35wks or so. I am supposed to start out slow and easy. But we shall see how that goes. :) I get to having nice relations with dh starting tomorrow. Whether i do or not we shall see. lol. I am just happy to have that option now! Dh and i have a date night for the 10th of October. Then after that it is getting serious time for baby. My ob said he firmly thinks i will at least make my 35wks mark if not 36. I told him i prefer the day after halloween and he was okay with that too. He IS on call. So he said alisha if you are in pain that day *wink* then you come on it and we will have a baby. Okay buddy we shall see what i can do. He said the day after halloween the kids are all hyper on sugar and he does not have to be there if he is delivering! lol. SMART MAN! I will update tomorrow if my test is + or not. Same drill roids if + and extension of br. Oh heck nah. Not happening here!lol.

Bitter Sweet Friday

Hello all. I am feeling a bit on the bitter sweet side today. My cousin (not the one locally, the one in tulsa) had her baby yesterday. She was 6lb 5oz and her name is Landrea Monique. I dont know how long she was. Well anyways. Just a kind reminder that yet again i was supposed to be having a baby this past month. I try not to focus on it but really hard when i was pregnant with family members. But yeah. So feeling just a bit bitter sweet. kwim.
My rant for the day bc well my blog would not be a blog without one.. is that my mom calls to let me know about the baby being here. okay great. congrats to her. but then goes into the drama that my cousin is going through. okay for a refresher.. this is someone who got pregnant with a guy that she did not know and then let it be known that she did not want to be pregnant nor have this baby. So cousin gives birth and then says.. i dont know how i feel about this. Um what?! God just gave you this miracle.. Some women would cut their right arm off to be in this situation. I know my sister who is battling IF for over 7yrs would sure in the shit give whatever she had to just to have a baby. Oh and please send whatever prayers you can her way. She is really having a hard time. But back to what i was talking about. I just dont get why people feel the need to tell me these things. People that know me well know that i still struggle with grief and whatnot over my losses. I still feel pain and stuff. But yet again my mom goes into these situations and i have to remind my mother that i cant and dont want to know about it. It is not that i dont care but man why? I dont think i will ever understand the world or anything like that.

Okay for me. We are doing descent. I am ready to be finished. But what is new. I just recieved a gift while typing this and it was preemie diapers, preemie outfit, and a baby doll. My heart just went to pieces. Wow is all i can say. Btw 4 days till restrictions are lifted, 8 days till they wont stop labor, 26 days till she is term. :) But who's counting right?!

33 wks and 1 shot left!

Hello all. So today i am 33wks. I am very happy and blessed this lil girl is holding in there. I had to make an er trip to the ob's today. Severe abdominal pain got the best of me today. He checked my cervix and said there was a bit of change. It is more frontward and thinned out before but he is not concerned since he wont stop labor in 10 days. Right now if she comes she comes. I agree with his plan. After 35wks he is allowing me to try natural remedies. You bet your britches i just may too! ;)
I weighed today and well that was not a happy thing. But eh it is life i guess. I have gained almost 40lbs! ack! I NEED to go on a diet here! lol. But he is happy. Belly is still measuring small so we are definitely going with the induction on November 11th. We are going to do a fetal growth u/s in a couple weeks to check position and weight just in case this lil girlie needs to come out earlier.
Overall it went well. I go back on monday for my last FFN test and if it comes back + then i will be admitted and given some meds to help her out then sent home to just be cautious.

The baby shower was this past weekend also and it went great! It was small but that was fine with me. I got to chat and hang out with the people that mean alot to me. It did help my mental status a bit about having this baby but i am still nervous and my ob told me today that alisha those feelers are so normal and nothing i can say is going to help it beyond having your lil girl in your arms in a few weeks. But we have a car seat, diapers, and a going home outfit. So we are set. I will try and take pics of the going home outfit this week and post it. I got it at the shower and it is CUTE!
Sunday while at target though.. I had an emotional breakdown. I went to buy a pack of preemie diapers and just could not. Just broke down crying. I just dont get that mess. But dh said dont worry about it anymore i will buy them before you come home from the hossy since i will be staying a minimum of 2 days.
I am hoping i can get tons of stuff done starting next week when all my restrictions are lifted. I have to sort through rooms, do school work, pack a bag for the hossy, and get the stuff ready to sell on ebay. In many ways i am ready to have her and be put out of my misery but then again i am NOT ready to have to manage this house in this state and have a baby and my kids and my dh. So she can bake for at least 2 more weeks then we shall revisit the situation! :) I will be starting EPO and fresh pineapple in 14 days to help soften the cervix up some more. In hopes of a short delivery. We also will be doing lots of walking, going to the park, and well enjoying my spouse. I am hoping for a spontanious labor.. like the water break in the middle of the night thing since this is my last birth. I am petrified of it breaking at work though. I mean it would not be the worlds worst place to have it break and i do know someone on campus that could possibly help me get to where i need to go if she has not had her baby by then.
Anywho.. that is our update and our ramble for tonight. Please pray i can get some sanity to make it through to the next 2 weeks. I am so tired of the pain i just want to throw my cards in and say i am DONE!