Hello all. I am feeling a bit on the bitter sweet side today. My cousin (not the one locally, the one in tulsa) had her baby yesterday. She was 6lb 5oz and her name is Landrea Monique. I dont know how long she was. Well anyways. Just a kind reminder that yet again i was supposed to be having a baby this past month. I try not to focus on it but really hard when i was pregnant with family members. But yeah. So feeling just a bit bitter sweet. kwim.
My rant for the day bc well my blog would not be a blog without one.. is that my mom calls to let me know about the baby being here. okay great. congrats to her. but then goes into the drama that my cousin is going through. okay for a refresher.. this is someone who got pregnant with a guy that she did not know and then let it be known that she did not want to be pregnant nor have this baby. So cousin gives birth and then says.. i dont know how i feel about this. Um what?! God just gave you this miracle.. Some women would cut their right arm off to be in this situation. I know my sister who is battling IF for over 7yrs would sure in the shit give whatever she had to just to have a baby. Oh and please send whatever prayers you can her way. She is really having a hard time. But back to what i was talking about. I just dont get why people feel the need to tell me these things. People that know me well know that i still struggle with grief and whatnot over my losses. I still feel pain and stuff. But yet again my mom goes into these situations and i have to remind my mother that i cant and dont want to know about it. It is not that i dont care but man why? I dont think i will ever understand the world or anything like that.
Okay for me. We are doing descent. I am ready to be finished. But what is new. I just recieved a gift while typing this and it was preemie diapers, preemie outfit, and a baby doll. My heart just went to pieces. Wow is all i can say. Btw 4 days till restrictions are lifted, 8 days till they wont stop labor, 26 days till she is term. :) But who's counting right?!
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4 comments:
Some people will nevr get it. xo to you.
Sorry about the drama with your mom/cousin. People who haven't suffered a loss or haven't ever suffered through infertilty or been a PAL, they just dont understand, and they cant get it, no matter how many times you try to tell them. Theyre clueless. Its SO frustrating... not to mention when you have family members who are ambivalent or uninterested in their own offspring, to make you feel even worse about it. Yuck.
Im really glad you're nearing the end of this pregnancy journey, I know it's been incredibly hard for you. You've been counting down the days for so long, and I cant wait to hear all about the end result! I'm rooting for you all the way, girl! Hang in there, one day soon all this pain and struggle with be completely worth it, when you hold your precious new daughter in your arms!
Nicole (NicoleHMom)
hey alisha - jen from PAL - sorry about your doofus of a cousin!! i saw your update on PAL (during a rare, quick stop in there) and thought i'd check in at your blog, since i do much better at keeping up with blogs!! i'm so excited that you're almost done with bedrest and shots!!!!!!!!! you've been such a trooper, and i, for one, DO know how hard it is, b/c i've BTDT, and you know i have!!! hang in there, sweetie!!! stop in at my blog and check out how big the girlies are getting!!! love you!! can't wait to see your precious girl! (but i hope she waits a couple more weeks and doesn't have any NICU time at all!)
Hang in there sweetie! Some people will never completely understand hon!
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