Hello! Warning.. lots of crazy ramblings! lol

Hello all. Its going to be a late night as I have plenty of studying to do and a paper over tuberculosis to write. I decided to do my blogging first since my mind is racing and blogging helps it clear out.
So.. A little update since my last blurb. I got yet another call from ohio that said mam I can't tell you the results but Dr. Kerr said he is synthesizing Kenadie's information and will get back with you in 6wks. But she does have some abnormalities. Okay first of all.. Why call me and tell me when I can't know this top secret info. I mean isn't that like dangling a steak in front of a homeless man and telling him he can he eat it just not right now! Lovely!! I know not all of her results are in so I know I need to be patient. I just want to know what is wrong with my daughter so I can get the best possible treatment I can for her. So yet another Ohio trip is coming this time we will aim not to get our stroller stolen!
Now K decided vomiting in her sleep is a good thing.I am definitely not the one that taught her that one! ;) lol. Her nurses are like WTH is going on with the diva?! Then she showed her nurse that a low pulse ox is beautiful. Per say 86 when her normal is 98. And throw in alot of brady spells! Ah.
Speaking of... this week is going to be a week. She has an appt with her cardiologist next Monday. But this Monday she has her pedi visit where we sit and chat a bout the diva's latest antics and how we really don't like people who annoy us in the medical field. Her pedi is nice he joins with me and dishes on his annoyances bc basically Dallas does not want to communicate with him and ohio well they are the snobby ones and wont call. So we have that lovely deal. Then I have exams after exams this week. Plus studying. Then we decided we are going to take a small family trip down to Dallas since I have to go anyways. Mom is going to meet me down there Sunday so Aaron can come back that night with the older two girls and come home. We never know how the cookie is going to crumble so I cant let them stay down there with me.
Now for me.. well.. it has been rather crazy trying to lead this one woman circus of school, doctors, and family. But I say in the end it shall fair out at least with school. I am having to do some sweeping out of high maintenance folks in my life. I can't afford to cater to their whims and when the cookie doesn't crumble their way all the time then i am f'd. Sorry I have way more things to do in my life. I still would like for my family to step up and help and care about what is going on with kenadie. But I can't make them. So if they want to be that way fantastic! Let them be. If they can't understand I cant be there for so and so's game, recital, or whatever because I have a special needs child who has issues that come whenever the wind flys by then tough cracker jacks. But you know I know we say no to 90% but inviting us does make us feel like part of the family and cared for. kwim. For me I grew up in a rather large close knit family. I would stay the night at my aunts n uncles houses with my cousins. My grandpa said we would throw a party when someone grew a new nail. Now sad to say I can't tell you when the last time I have heard from people. In my i guess demented mind I prayed that K's condition would bring my family closer together. Nope! far from it! That does hurt alot too. But again I am trying to let it be. Just hard.
Another thing I have to ramble about is people just having to tell me about crappy parents n how they dont take care of their children. I for one am sensitive about that. No I dont live in a dream world. I just don't like hearing it. I pray to god no one is in the situation we are but you would understand if you were. It hurts to hear the rambling and know they have this beautiful healthy child. Who does not deserve the treatment they are getting. It hurts knowing I have a son who I will never get to see and would give him all that I could just like I do for my girls. It hurts knowing I have a sister who would give the world to a child n has not been able to get pregnant or my friends that want a baby so badly it rules their lives! NO I dont want to hear it! And one of these days I hope to help a child who has that parent who can't take care of them. Yep.. we want to adopt a boy from the foster care system. One who can be loved beyond all means, have his sisters spoil him, and have him protect his sisters back. We dont care on the race.. just a healthy baby boy! And for those that have negative comments I am not hearing them. We will start this journey after I am almost done with school and after ms k gets her pacemaker. Gotta be able to chase her brother around. And yes when we do I will keep everyone posted. But we have made the final decision and we will be adding one more to our brood! Hmm think I will gain adoption weight?! ;) Can i use that for my mood swings also?! Okay.. done rambling tongiht.
Please know we appreciate all the support that is given. It keeps me going! :)

My heart gets torn out again!

Here we go. So I got a call from the PA today. She said mam I was calling to let you know that K biopsy came back normal. My heart just felt like someone took it out. Again left with no damn answers! ugh. Why I can't understand why we can't get something so basic to just show! You can't tell me why my child's head is burning up but not the rest of her body?! You can't tell me why her heart rate plummets?! Wth! I just dont understand at all. Why can't kenadie get a diagnosis. She deserves one! She has been vomitting for almost 1.5 wks now. And they can't tell me why. she passes out and they can't tell me why. I know sometimes we have to wait for some doc to die and then it will come to light. Well kick the can or give my answer before he kicks the can. How would you feel if you had to live wondering if the next episode is what might put her a vegetable or what might put her in a coffin. Yeah not pretty!Then someone says hey you might want to up your depressant so you can handle it better.