So right now we on on the plane to Cleveland. Lately I am so mixed emotion. I am grateful that k is here. On the same token this is nuts. I question on a more frequently basis how can I do this? I see no end in sight. Is this the way it will be for the rest of her/our life? I remember thinking the other day I did not sign up for this. I wanted to be a mom that's it. However God has kindly reminded me just bc you have a child does not mean they are going to be "perfect" I mean who is anyways. So I guess I just gotta throw my temper tantrum n keep on going. And people please spare me I know others have it worse. I am reminded all the time.
So last night I was in a serious funk. I felt like I am not good enough. But this morning. I know I am. I can't let people get to me.
I am planning on some serious lifestyle changes. I have gained 40# since k diagnosis in Aug of 09. I turn to food a lot when I get bad news. I can't take care of my child if I am not taking care of myself. Just won't happen. So I have decided I need the support to help me go to the gym n eat better.
Also if people want to say hateful stuff they can go jump in the ocean.
I am doing the best that I know how and can.
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2 comments:
Alisha...you are an amazing Mom, woman and person in general and honestly, I can't believe you manage to do all you do and still are alive. You are my hero b/c your every breath is taken to allow yourself to do what you HAVE to. Who cares if other people have it worse...you have a HUGE load and you are entitled to throw a tantrum now and again. I have no clue what it's like to have a kid with such challenging medical issues and I am in awe on a daily basis at the turns K takes and the strong, no-nonsense way you endure each of them. I hope you know just how much you mean to all of us and just how much we all respect and are astonished by what you do. I know that I would do anything necessary for my children, just like you do, but I don't think I could handle it with as much grace and strength as you do. Melt down Mama, cry and scream and break things and throw a fit...b/c if ANYONE on the planet deserves a minute to freak, it's you. But then, I know as soon as you get it out, you'll be right back to that strong, determined woman I have come to respect and love greatly. I hope and pray that you get a bit of a rest soon. You deserve it, K deserves it and your family deserves it. <3 you Momma (and drink an extra Margarita with MA for me!)
Hang in there Alisha. You are a hero to many, but most of all your daughter, so don't let the b*stards bring you down. And I'm proud of your resolve to take better care of yourself so you can in turn take care of K. We're pulling for and supporting you!
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