Lost another one!

So this morning i was waken from a horrible dream with cramps and a low temp. I went to the potty and poas and it was very very faint +. Then i wiped and bright red blood. Lots of it! So then i knew that my angel had went to heaven yet again! My dream sucked. I had a dream that i had this baby girl she was so beautiful. We named her madaline grace.. she was very sick and i just remember fighting to keep her but was told no that she needed to go home. so we dressed her in a really pretty dress and let her go. I feel like iam a failure. WTH is this happening. I dont get it at all. I am so hurt and pissed. I thought for sure this one would stay with us. We did not tell many people at all so i dont have to go untell people. But my heart just aches. I am so pissed. I want to just hide in my little hole.


A little piece to add to this that i forgot to add.... I went to the er after writing this post bc someone on the board suggested i do so. Well i went and it was horrible. But they did confirm that i lost the baby. In fact i passed the tissue when i had my cervix checked. The doc was really nice and compassionate. But yeah.. I will write more later on that experience.
Alisha