we have a date for ohio!

Hello all.. Please forgive my abscence. Trust me I have been so busy. Hmm where to start.. The diva showed her true colors a couple weeks ago. With a lovely hr of 42bpm while she was awke. So that bought her a trip to the cardiologist. He put an ekg monitor on her and it will stay for 30 days. What a pain I might add. But it will determine if it is all autonomic or if she has av disease. She also went to the ent doc and he said he wants to scope her throat to make sure her vocal cords are fine bc of the swallowing issues she is having. That is scheduled for january 16. Then we finally got a date for Ohio. Febuary 16-18. But that is subject to change. I want to be able to go when my fil can go. He is my rock support when we are out traveling. So we are going to see if they have another date when he is off work.
Right now.. she is having some issues. I think it is just too much for her. All the family visits, the shopping, just a bit of everything. I do forget that she gets hyperstimulated. But it is hard to just leave her at home with the nurse or a parent. And right now. Lord dont get me on our nursing. That could be a LONG ordeal! lol. I think with her going with me and stuff it keeps some normalcy I guess. But it is going to have to change. She is just not dealing with it. Not sleeping well. Crying alot. ugh.
Personally, it has been a bit tough lately. I am having my surgery on monday and wondering how the hell I am going to juggle it all. I am sure in the end. Everyone will be breathing and living. But I just dont know. Then I get the kind reminders everyday that my child is not "a well child". Wether it is her temp, her issues with hyperstim, purpling which i might add is a little funny when you are out and a stranger freaks lol, just those little things. I dont feel like I connect much anymore with those who I used to be able to connect with. I get easily irritated with people on small things now esp when it comes to their children. Like hello dont treat child x like that. You have a healthy happy child. Cherish that.. enjoy that! And sometimes.. I have this overwhelming feeling to want to go slap person x.. but that might not look good on me when i become a nurse. ;)

Angel ramblings

So this is a rambling post. I will wait to get back from the pedi's to discuss the diva. Lately my emotions are all over the place. The holidays being here are hard. Its hard knowing my son should be 1.5yro and he's not here. I seen some really cute boy toddler clothes and just longed to be able to buy them for my son. I see my relatives son and just have that tug. I sat and typed a text message to my godson's mom about how much he means to me and just cried.

I love the 3 children I have and I am so thankful for them. I thank God everyday that he let me have the 3 I have. But I do miss the one's I lost. The holiday season brings alot out in range of emotions. This would have been the fun thanksgiving and christmas. I see the joy that my godson's mom and dad have with their son and miss the fact that my husband does not get to experience that. We only get a paper that says our "embryo" was a male. I am not going to say I am jealous or not jealous. One thing that gets to me even though I know people are joking around is when they say oh you can only have girls huh?! We had discussed with someone about adopting through dhs in about 1.5 to 2yrs and they said oh you dont want to have any more girls huh. No you nip whit. I can't have anymore children.. It can KILL me. I think my children need a mother. :D
(was meant to be posted but forgot to push the post button! lol)