Today's u/s!

hello all. well today was a rocky start. i had to get gas for my car this morning and the pump does not stop when it is full. so it overflows. uh that is liquid gold i just wasted. ERH! I was afraid that this was going to be the tune of my day. So i leave work and go to my u/s only to find out that the u/s tech has left for LUNCH! wtf?! do they not know i am a rpl'er and my gawd this is total torchure having to deal with this crap. So she comes back an hr and tweenty mins later and calls my name. ugh. so i go back and she hurries through it. does not want to do a transvag at all just a on the tummy. the shots were horrible and i am no u.s tech either. but the main goods of it was there was a hb of 145! talk about emotional city in that room. lol. everyone was an emotional mess. We know we are not out of the woods by any stretch but we had to celebrate for one minute before we went back in our hidy holes. So now that we were happy for one minute. it is over andback to the very reserved and just seeing this as a medical condition. sad but true. anywho. i wait a call from the ob tomorrow to let me know what is going on.
alisha

Need loads of prayers please!

Hey all. Just a little plead for some prayers. I got a call at 845pm on friday night from quack saying he did not like my numbers he said that they are not rising fast enough for his liking and that this pregnancy is probably not viable. I was/am so hurt and torn right now. I am begging God to please dont do this to me again. I freaked out and went to the ER and they did another bw draw and it was 9600 which is a good rise from wednesday. but still i know what the outcome can be. I know how this story book can be played out. I am scared and nervous about all of this. I keep getting mixed reviews whether this is good or not. So monday 3/31 i will now the outcome of this all. Please send prayers that this baby will make it.
alisha

A little update on us.

Hello to all. Here's a little update on us. I went to the ob this week and had an u/s done. I measured 6wk 1 day and seen a hb of 105. i am very nervous about that rate due to the ob saying that is was not a good rate. This doc said that i was 7wk but by my lmp and everything i am right on track with 6wk. So never going to see him again. but everything else i looked up said it was a decent rate. They say between 90-110. so i am trying to stay calm. But we have made a step in the right direction and seen a hb. They drew some more blood and they came back 8109 and it was 5727 on monday so they say it was a beautiful leap. I am hoping it conitnues this way. This morning i almost threw up in the shower so i am really trying to take some peace in that. I have another u/s by my reg ob on monday at 11:00 am cst. I am so freaking nervous. I know this is going to deal my fate for a while. Angel stopped growing at 6wk 3 days along. I will be 6wk 6 days along then. So please send all the positive thoughts and prayers our way. If things go well i will post a pic of our bean when i get home. :) You may just hear a loud scream coming from oklahoma! lol.
Also if you can remember to send some positive thoughts and prayers to the girls on the ttcam, ttcac oldtimers, and the miscarriage support girls that are trying to get preggo. I am praying they all get healthy beans soon and we have this baby boom! :)
tonight i am having a date night with dh. I so think it is needed. We are going through alot right now and he is so nervous and scared and he really does not say anything bc he knows i am petrified. So some time alone to enjoy each others company will be nice. Oh and dont think for a min there will be any good action going on.. Doc has me on pelvic rest! lol! So just some good ole cuddling. Anywho.. have fun. Thanks for reading. and i am so praying for good news on monday.

6 Months today and feeling down.

Today is 6 mths since i lost my angel. I am having such a hard time with this. I think it is harder bc i am fighting so hard to make sure this bean stays in. I worry with every twinge and cramp. It just freaking sucks. I am ready to see a hb then i can breathe a little bit and try and get some rest. Right now i am sleeping about 4.5hrs a night. I know not enough but insomnia sucks.
I got a call from the RE and he says he wants to see me on wednesday to do an u/s and stuff. i am so freaking nervous. i am praying we see a nice healthy baby and a hb. I know it is early but he definitely knows what he is doing. I also have my last blood draw on monday and i am praying for some really good numbers. I am so ready to hear some good news with this process.

I need some prayers please!

To anyone that is reading this. I am in need of some prayers. I found out on March 4th that we were pg again. I was only 8 dpo. I have been to several blood draws and so far we are doing good. I just still have some severe doubts and concerns. I have been through this one too many times now to get my hopes up. I felt really positive about the cycle.. Now if that positivity would flow on to this also.
Tomorrow is my cousin's baby shower. I am a bit bummed. That should have been me also. I was due around the same time she was. I should be getting excited to have my first little boy and what i was going to do and stuff. Now i have to sit and watch her open her gifts and be happy for her. It hurts a whole lot. I am dreading the day that my edd comes around. I just want to sleep it away. I am praying that this little bean is the one that makes it and by then we could hear a hb. Tonight i am really missing my baby angel. I would have been almost 33wks pg and i would have given birth at 37wks like i normally do. I just dont understand all this. While i was at walmart getting yet another hpt a very young girl and her mother come up to get one also. She was saying she does not want to see the words pregnant that it is easier to digest the the +. I thought they were talking about sensitivty.. bc bf that they were.. so i mention which ones are the most sensitive.. and the mom says oh we like the walmart brand.. i used them with all my kids and my kids have used them with theirs. mind you the mother is in her LATE 30'S! OMG! huh?! Explain how this is fair again!!!! So the young girl looks at me and says oh yeah i got my + on this with my 1.5yro dd. UH WHAT?! Then the mom says hun i hope you are not you are only 16 you have a life ahead of you.. Well thanks for that slap in the face my friend. The girl looks at me and asks if i am pg.. I say well we hope this time it sticks i have lost 2 bf this and had to do infertility treatment with my other 2. She says oh you only hear of those things.. you never really think people have to deal with them. WTF?! Oh i wanted to smack her.. but i restrained and promptly paid. :)

Lord if you are listening.. My friends on the ttc boards really want to be blessed with sticky healthy babies. They deserve them. WE deserve them. I am grateful what you have already blessed me with but i just want one more and i am happy. PLEASE OH PLEASE LORD.. let this baby stick and be healthy.
AMEN!

I have my next blood draw on tuesday. If we make it that far then that is a blessing and if the numbers are high then we might have some hope of this one staying around. I need tons of prayers. Thanks so much!

Just some ramblings again! :)

Hello to anyone who reads this blog. just some ramblings today.. Today i am 7dpo and not feeling a bit of ips (imaginary preg symptoms) so i am taking it as i am out. I always know right on yes or no. Well minus the surprise with angel though. Just tired all the time with him. :) So today is a bit of a weepy day. I dont know if it is the rain or what. Just kinda sucks. I have been doing so good with my grieving (well lack of it). It seems as though i have just put it in the closet and nailed down the door. Well of course until today. I dont know why i supress things. I just do. It is just my way of coping.
I got maddy's certificate in my email today. I could literally feel my heart sink. It was like alisha no you are not pg any more.. Thanks for the realization.. I appreciate it! The certificate means alot to me. Means that my baby will be acknowleged as a baby and not tissue! My goal is to go to New York.. which defnitely might be happening. My dh and i are trying to decide where we want to go for my edd. I think that we definitely might go to new york sometime though. Maybe in late summer or so.. Maybe on the 1yr.
Also one of the docs today got her 8wk 5 day u/s and she showed me the u/s. Now before anyone says anything.. No i am not mad or anything. It is just a bitter pain. I went in for my 8wk us and found out that Angel was gone. I would not ever get to meet him. So seeing that bean.. oh made me yearn so bad for that again. Brought up a bunch of memories. Which hense this post. lol.
tomorrow is the appt. We shall see how this is going to run.
Thanks for reading!