Appt update (same as pal board and myspace)

Hey ladies. I just got done with my appt. Due to my status i am now an every 2 weeker. He checked me again and i am still 1cm and very soft. He says he is concerned about the very soft thing and her head being so low. He says that usually in a btdt the baby tends to ride low anyways but she likes to keep her head right by that pelvic bone. He says i can tell you that you have a 99% chance that you WONT deliver in the next two weeks which is great! Means we can make it over the 25wk hump. He said he will be checking every 2wks to see if i am making any progress and any time i do make progess straight to the hossy i go to stay until 32wks. OUCH! Not nice buddy. So right now i can work as long as i am laying/reclining.. keeping the toosties up. No lifting and no "conversations" with dh. I love my ob but seriously! He needs to find a different word then conversations. So anywho. I dont like his female partner as she is not so nice to ptl'ers and he even agreed her bedside manner could use some nudging. But he says for the past 10yrs if you are in labor and his established pt he comes in no matter the day or time whether he is on call or not to deliver you. Ah that makes me feel so much better. He will not require a c-section after 28wks but before he does. Eh we will shoot for the after part huh. And he says his wife will not let him forget my tubal. What a lovely woman she must be. :) So for now push the meds. Moderate bedrest. I am allowed to go from the house to the car and a wheelchair everywhere else. Any sign of regular contrx that meds wont take care of i am to head straight to the hossy! Keep those prayers going ladies. I think they are working!

We really need this girlie to cook a bit longer. I also need for my boss to stop nagging me about when i am going out on FMLA! If I knew trust me i would be a happy camper knowing. lol. I would prefer to wait until Oct/November to go out on FMLA. Last week of October sounds nice with me! :)

Another trip to LD and a scare!

Below is my post to my message boards that i am on. I woke up at 1am and noticed alot of back pain and mild contrx. So i went to the hospital after the meds did not do a thing. After spending the lovely day in there this is the outcome.
Hello . I am finally a lady on parole from L&D after a short stint in there from yesterday. I got some good news then some bad news. The good is my FFN test came back NEGATIVE! Which is great! For those who dont know what a ffn test is it is a fetal fiber noctin test that sees if you are going to deliver in 2wks. So that was great. Bad news is my cervix dialated to a 1 and is soft. :*( Doc is NOT happy about this at all. We always just had the contrx problem not the dilating early stuff. Well not this early. Usually around 28 wks is when my cervix gets tired of my uterus' griping. So i am officially on moderate bedrest till i see the doc on monday and then we will decide what to do from here. I am due to get my injections in the next couple of weeks. They added another pill to the mix of things. The doc that came by and seen me was great. He said alisha i am not sugar coating this at all. He said make it to 28wks and we will be better off. Make it to 30 and we will have a small party. MAke it to 32 and you could have a spelling bee super star. Make it to 34 and we can have a party and a star. Make it to 36 and we are golden. He said "Honestly i dont see you getting past 36wks." Well why the HE#$ am i taking these shots every week. I just dont get it. I am very frustrated and hurt right now! I just dont get this business. UGh. Of course you know they had to talk about life probablitity of a baby when they x weeks. So that freaked me out too. I guess i just need some stay the heck put prayers at least till 34wks.

So that is the outcome of that trip. We really need her to bake for another 7+wks. The doc said he was a hair shy of putting me on total rest. The only thing i had working in my favor is i am an admin sect and he was okay with me keeping my legs propped up and doing my job. So i hope to talk to my boss and pray they will work with me. I call the ob on monday and see what his orders are going to be. Crossing fingers we get to stay with the regimen of bedrest while at home only and no lifting at all. But again we shall see.

Doing better today!

Hello there. Today i am doing better emoitionally and physically. Had you asked me yesterday post shot time i would have said NO BUT HECK NO! Today much better. I do have to say those shots are getting tough. Yesterday the needle was dull so it hurt like a SOB! Poor aaron got the blunt of it. I just cried into his chest and said i just can't do this anymore. But he is always a positive patty and said you will do great and be okay. Remember it is for our lil girl that is going to be full term and weigh 5.5lbs! Uh can get a little more weight on the girl?! lol.
Aw before i go totally in my post i wanted to thank you so much for the comments and support that you guys give! I so appreciate it!
One of the ladies on the pal board told me the other day during my emotional moment that i dont need a name right now and i dont need to do these things right now. As simple as that sounds and sure i could have thought that but i guess i needed someone to tell me that and it was a light bulb that clicked on. I was like your right. You are so right. So when i get the urge to think about it i will. I have done so. Just not make myself feel pressured. I pray we have lots of time to think up a name and stuff for her. Right now i look at baby stuff and in my mind i say oh that is cute for so and so. i mean i know quite a few preggers. So i just say oh that is cute for them.
Anywho that is about the extent of it for today. I have more to write. But work thinks i need to work. ugh!

10 mths since you went to heaven!

10 mths today i found out there was no heart beat for angel robert. 10mths today i would never look at life and pregnancy the same way. 10 mths today i would never feel hurt and anger the way i had ever felt it. 10mths ago my heart just got crushed. To some it was just some cells with a beating heart. To me it was a life that was forming that was going to join my family.
Today my heart aches pretty bad. I miss my angel alot. I see quite a few women with their babies and just envy that. Even though i have one growing like a weed in my belly. Please dont get me wrong i love the one i have and am very grateful for it. But my heart still grieves the one i lost.
Tonight i am very sad at the fact that i can't come up with a name for my child bc i am too afraid that something will happen. I am too afraid to get maternity clothes or even a mat bra bc i am too afraid something will happen. For one moment in my life i just wish i could turn back time and change things. how i dont know but i just wish i could. Being an angel mother and a pal is so gut wrenching. I want to name this baby so bad but my brain says nada. I want to look at going home outfits but again my brain says nada. Why can't i go back to being the normal me. The regular alisha! Why do i have to feel so robbed inside?!
Lord for one moment can i have some peace and sanity back. Can i go back to that innocence that i used to have. Where i thought a+b always equaled c.

Angel,
This is your mother.. I just wanted to tell you that i love you so much. I never stop thinking of you. Every little boy i see when i am out. I always think of you. I think what would he have looked like. Papa says you would have had a full head of hair unlike your sisters and would have been a screamer bc they weren't. My heart just breaks when i see newborn boys bc then i think that you were supposed to be my newborn baby to be so proud of and show off. Now i just have an u/s pic that does not do any justice.
When i am out and see a nursing mom, i wonder if we would be nursing or would your dad have swiped that baby bottle and gave it to you. He was so excited at the little thought of maybe having a son. He would have had a blast showing you all those manly things. Zeph swears he would have had you playing xbox in no time. Which no doubts on his ability so i say yep he would have along with your dad. Just the thoughts of this stuff just makes my heart break in half. I just wish i would have gotten to be able to know you and hold you and had fun with you.
Tonight Angel.. mommy misses you so much. I love you and will never forget you. I will always hold a special place in my heart for you. I think about you all the time.
Love always,
Your mommy!
p.s.. please lord.. i ask you to rock my baby to sleep since i can't.

21.5wks update and some ramblings.

Hello everyone. I am 21.5wks preggo. She is a moving and grooving in there. Nothing much has really went on lately. Just a few folks I would like to hit occasionally. For instance i was out with my friend on Friday night and someone i knew came and talked to me. Then said omg your pregnant again.. your so fertile and you pop them out like nothing. OKAY NIP WIT! NOT THE CASE ASSWIPE! So i firmly put him into his place disclosing the fact that i had to do fertility treatment and go through losses. You know one thing i have learned is never assume. I do not care how many kids one has. You never know their story or their journey on how they got there. And if this was all for this lesson. Well Lord i have reached that goal and learned that lesson!
We still have not decided on a name. And frankly we have not discussed them. Just not motivated. I guess i will when the time comes. It is so hard when you battle with the fears of feeling connected to your own child.
Today i was at wal-mart and seen this cute preemie outfit. I held it for a moment and just started crying. I dont really know why. Part of me feels so bad that i can't get excited or let myself buy something. I also cried when holding a pack of preemie diapers. (FYI both my babies are preemies and seems like this girl will follow suit and they both weighed under 11lbs put together.. so small ones for me) I think aaron (Dh) and i will go to BRU at the beginning of August after i hit 25wks. That way in my mind this little lady has a chance on making it.
I still have a hard time thinking that maybe i am going to be a mom of 3.. I just can't concieve the idea. I wonder who she will look like or how my labor will go. And when i begin to wonder about these things i start wondering about Angel. Ugh.
Well anywho. THat is my rambling today. All in all contractions are down to minimum thanks to the company who make terbutaline and the injection serum. I have an appt on the 4th of august with the ob where i will convince him to do a weight check on my lil gal. Then i have an appt this month on the 22nd at the GI's office. Please pray that we get some answers with my GI system. It has been a 4yr battle that has sucked so bad.

My appt update! 20.5wks

Hello all. Just thought i would an appt update. Overall it went pretty good. Here is the rundown of it and i copied it from one of my message boards.

Hey ladies. Just thought i would give an appt update to you. My doc and i agree i have a grouchy uterus that does not play nice with others. So i have to stay on terb pills. We are going to do steriods at 24-26wks. He will admit me on a friday and keep me for 24hrs and do the shots. I will get them in 12 hr intervals and only 2 of them. He said he was not giving me the whole ptl speech as well i have btdt 2x's and have the shirt to prove it. LOL. He gave me extra strict orders about my terb schedule and my rest schedule. I am allowed to keep working. I have to do pelvic rest and keep my feet propped whilei am at work and then when i am at home he prefers moderate bedrest. Okay so you guys may be see lots of posts out of me on the weekends! :) He said that he forsees this baby coming around 34-36 wks at the rate that we are going with contrx. He would love to see us at least hit 37wks if not 38wks. But he has a plan in store for us which helps alot.
As far as weight goes i have gained 16lbs! OUCH! Guess me and the treadmill are going to have a loving relationship when this is all said and done!Bp was normal. Lo hb was 158bpm and kept moving away from my nurse. God loves the woman bc she will just hunt her down and find it no matter how long the baby kicks it away! So i go back in 4wks where we will schedule the steriod injection. then it is a countdown till 28 wks, then 32wks, then 34wks, then 38wks. Seems like i am always on a 2ww or 4ww.
Oh i made sure he has me down for a tubal after delivery and he says hun i dont think my wife would let me forget. Did i mention i call him alot?!

HALF WAY THERE! And some venting!

Hello everyone.. I am now half way there. 20wks and some change now! I only have 17.5wks to go before this little girl will be here. She does not have a name yet that we are sharing. We have decided to finalize the name and announce when she is born. :) As i told my mil tonight it is to keep me from sounding so bitchy when they say they don't like it! lol. So anywho. I have an appt on Tuesday to go to. Then i wil have more details for ya. I also get my 4th shot on Tuesday and then only 13more of them to go! WAHOOO! Those bad boys hurt! We are starting to feel little miss moving more and more which is fun. I have had to take a couple pills but overall we have done good with contrx too. As long as i can keep up the water and liquids then we are all good.

Totally off the topic for a minute. I found out my dog Chyna is going to have babies anyday now. She is a little 10lb thing and i got worried about a swollen abdomen. We have not seen her be in heat now for 2yrs so we thought not possible. Well just like in people never assume it is not possible! LOL! The doc said yep definitely pregnant and due from hours from now to 10days from now. Kinda vague eh! LOL. But i will keep you guys posted on her condition too! :)

So back to my post... Okay so now starts the venting.. Here are something that if i hear one more time i will really scream and be a bitch to someone. (excuse my french)
1. Oh i am so sorry that it is another girl. OKAY PEOPLE IT IS A HEALTHY BABY WHAT IS TO BE SORRY ABOUT????????!!!!!
2. Oh how does dh feel about this? DO YOU REALLY EXPECT HIM TO SAY HE IS PISSED?! HE IS JUST EXCITED TO HAVE A BABY AGAIN! I mean we did suffer 2 LOSSES HERE!
3. Oh i know you were trying for a boy for this one so i guess you have to try again. HELLO PEOPLE WE TRIED FOR A BABY NOT A GENDER! I have heard this countless times. And if they really want to know.. My uterus can't take anymore beatings so i have to have a partial hysto after i am done. Thanks for reminding me that i amgoing to be 24with a partial hysto! I appreciate!
4. I bet you feel better about your loss now! UMM EXCUSE THE HELL OUT OF ME??? No i dont it still hurts and it hurts that you would think that assnine!

Okay so those are just some of the things i heard this weekend. Please people save the freaking comments here. Think with your mind and not your butt. That just hurts. Oh another thing. Some people think that you only need two children for society and that makes a perfect family. I heard the comment by a family member it really rubbed me wrong. I am happy i made the decision about having another baby and being a family of 5 and not 4. Our personal choice is that we liked to have 5. Thanks. Not every american family wants to have just 2 children. YES I CAN AFFORD THEM. So please dont make those comments. But seriously.. I love my children and i can't imagine my life without them. LAst but not least. DO NOT ASK ME IF I AM HAVING TWINS DUE TO IF TREATMENT! That hurts like no other. I lost a twin sac for all of those to know and well frankly i put that aside and dont think about it. So when nimrod wants to throw that comment out there boy oh boy it shuts them up when i tell them!
Okay that is all for now. I will update after my appt. I promise to try and not vent so much.

U/S update and just some thoughts!

Hello everyone. We are now entering week 20! So here is the small update. I just got shot #3 which gives me a bit of hope. Doc says that after shot 3 we should do better with the contractions. I am now on terb pills which i hate the se's. But hey it is worth it. The baby measured great. Not cooperative at all. But we found out we are having another GIRL! I am so happy! As long as my baby is healthy and happy i am good to go! I have an appt with doc on the 8th of July to talk about the things going on and a plan of action. Oh if you would like to add a name suggestion for this little lady.. We need a first name that will go with Gayle for a middle name.