21.5wks update and some ramblings.

Hello everyone. I am 21.5wks preggo. She is a moving and grooving in there. Nothing much has really went on lately. Just a few folks I would like to hit occasionally. For instance i was out with my friend on Friday night and someone i knew came and talked to me. Then said omg your pregnant again.. your so fertile and you pop them out like nothing. OKAY NIP WIT! NOT THE CASE ASSWIPE! So i firmly put him into his place disclosing the fact that i had to do fertility treatment and go through losses. You know one thing i have learned is never assume. I do not care how many kids one has. You never know their story or their journey on how they got there. And if this was all for this lesson. Well Lord i have reached that goal and learned that lesson!
We still have not decided on a name. And frankly we have not discussed them. Just not motivated. I guess i will when the time comes. It is so hard when you battle with the fears of feeling connected to your own child.
Today i was at wal-mart and seen this cute preemie outfit. I held it for a moment and just started crying. I dont really know why. Part of me feels so bad that i can't get excited or let myself buy something. I also cried when holding a pack of preemie diapers. (FYI both my babies are preemies and seems like this girl will follow suit and they both weighed under 11lbs put together.. so small ones for me) I think aaron (Dh) and i will go to BRU at the beginning of August after i hit 25wks. That way in my mind this little lady has a chance on making it.
I still have a hard time thinking that maybe i am going to be a mom of 3.. I just can't concieve the idea. I wonder who she will look like or how my labor will go. And when i begin to wonder about these things i start wondering about Angel. Ugh.
Well anywho. THat is my rambling today. All in all contractions are down to minimum thanks to the company who make terbutaline and the injection serum. I have an appt on the 4th of august with the ob where i will convince him to do a weight check on my lil gal. Then i have an appt this month on the 22nd at the GI's office. Please pray that we get some answers with my GI system. It has been a 4yr battle that has sucked so bad.