This weekend so far...

Hello all. Thanks for all the encouragement the other day. That for the responses to the blog and to my personal email. It really does help ones mental status. :)
This weekend has been a mixed bag. Friday it was okay. Had several contraction patterns that were regular and some spotting but we quickly fixed that with some meds. Saturday was my dd's birthday party. Very small. Only grandmas, grandpas, and uncle matt showed. Which i think is good in a way bc i was feeling pretty crummy. I started having contrx at the party every 2mins and we are talking the ones where you want to knock the crap out of your husband for. Scared me a bit. But again nothing my medication could not handle. Also on saturday it felt as if my tummy had dropped. She feels so low. If that is even possible bc she felt low to begin with.
Today has been a mixed bag day. Started out with a contraction pattern but got better. We decided to go meet up with aaron for lunch and i guess that was not a good plan as i started to have contractions again. Really did i mention i am so SICK of them. Come November 1st i am going to get this baby out somehow someway! lol. I really want to hold out till after Halloween so i can have fun with my girls. We shall see though.
We are going to attempt to do the baby registry today as my friend who is throwing me a shower needs the info and what not in 6days so she can get the invites out. I can't believe my shower is in 28days! WOW! We have quite a bit that we need due to donating alot of it to the infant crisis center after i lost angel. I could not bare to see half of it. Just hurt too bad. I think i found my bedding. It has lady bugs on it. It is so cute! I got excited for once today about this. But now am back to nervous mode.
Ah for anyone who wants to know my birth plans.. I think i have finally decided this momma is getting an epidural. After weeks and weeks of pain.. I deserve some bliss! LOL! And i am having surgery right after so why not. :) Well i will update after my appt on tuesday.
Oh wait.. I have to dish on the funny part. On Thursday i get a call from the ob's office. I was like hmm what are they wanting.. maybe call and do a check up since i had been in the hossy. Um no they hired a new sectary that says " Hi this is so and so from Dr. H's office.. I am calling to remind you of your appt with dr. H on tuesday" My response.. well hello hun. I dont think i will be missing it. I need my frequent flyer miles. LOL. She says.. oh wait.. That is who they were talking to me about.. I just died laughing. The new sectary has been informed on my frequency habits in the office. She says i dont think i have to worry about calling you about any more appts. Um nope. LOL. Just too funny.

Just some thoughts this morning.

Hello all. So i am up early this morning. I feel like total crap. I was up with contrx where i prayed for the anth or the baby to come last night. We did get them stopped. And was just thinking about some things. I need some prayer requests this morning:
1. Pray that i can have the sanity and the strength to make it through this.
2. Pray for baby girls health. If she does come early then i pray she is at a point where she will be okay.
3. Pray for my husband. This is starting to take a toll on the man.
4. Pray for my body.. it prob just needs the prayer by now.
Thanks so much!

My evening in L&D

So i was at work today for a bit and then i start having insane contrx every 6-7mins, watery dc, and baby was not moving like usual. So i called ob he says well go on to the hossy and lets do a check. I get there and of course she is throwing a party when i get there. :) So movement is marked off our list of things to worry about. The nurse checks my cervix 1-1.5 cm. Has a worried look till she called the ob. The nurse f'ed up my ffn test bc you cant do one unless you do it first then do the cervix check. It will produce false hormones. But God bless her soul. The monitor says yep she is having some contrx. So the nurse puts another call in to the ob. He says give her a shot and tell her strict br for the rest of the night. They had a great debate on keeping me for 24hrs but every room was being used for deliveries then so he said i could go home. He says next time i might not be so lucky. REMINDER TO SELF: Do not go back there! lol. I am to keep a watchful eye out on everything my body does. The nurse was so nice she was like hun realistically i dont see ya going past 37wks. Well thanks for your honesty. She says once he yanks you off meds i see ya going in labor. Well i do too so that means i really need to get busy on my house. So i have got to enlist my mom and a friend to help me with some stuff since i am on strict orders of nothing but br other than work. Work is being really leanant and letting me prop my toosties and trying to take care of myself. Alot easier w/o toddlers and i get paid! :) Well i am having one issue now that i am at home. Bright red bleeding. Not alot so i am trying not to be too worried. I did call the on call and he says if it picks up then i am to immediately go to the ER or LD and tell them about it. So that is my evening in jail! I am on strict parole! lol.

Emotional Night

Tonight has been an emotional night. I took my 2 girls to their open house at school (pre-k and toddler prep) and i seen this guy walking with his what seemed to be a 1yro little boy. He told the little boy come on little buddy lets go see your teacher. That just slammed me so hard. My dh does not get to walk his little buddy to class. He can walk his princesses to class yes. But still not the one he lost and not his little football buddy. I just started bawling so hard. I had to walk away. Then when we left dh asked what was the matter. I told him and just sobbed. Tonight i am just feeling my losses hard.
Another part of my emotional night is the contractions are starting to break me down a bit. I am just to the point where i am ready to throw my hat in the ring. I never had it like this with my other two girls. Why? What have i done? I am following dr orders to a T. I just dont get the whole thing. Sometimes one can take only so much and tonight i just feel like i have had enough. I know in reality i still have a battle to fight. I have 48more days i have to fight. I have 6 more shots to do after tomorrow. That is another thing.. those shots make me so emotional right before. It is so crazy how emotional i got. I even asked the docs about it. They said yup totally normal. Aw thanks for the forewarning dude! But hey like i said only 6more to go.
I do have to say thank you to my cousin.. she has been so good to listening to me. When i have my freak outs at work. When those contractions are slamming me hard she is great. THANK YOU!
I think if i can just get my good cry out tonight then i will be great. Wednesday we are 28wks!

My weekend

Well we made it another weekend without the hossy. Sunday i swore i was going to have to go but i said nope i can't go and dont want to. So we gave the uterus a few extra pills to digest on and she was a much happier camper. I am going to be 28 wks this week and let me tell you how happy i am. When i seen the doc in the hosp he said this is one of our big milestone weeks. So my dh and i are so happy to be hitting this mark. We also can't wait for the next 6 weeks to go by too. I am so ready to be able to walk around a store or do other things. If i try and do too much at home the little girl goes straight for the exit sign and get really low in the pelvis.. Think i could bribe her to move up a little?! We still did not get the registery done but eh i guess we will shoot for this weekend or next week. Just gotta get it done before the 6th of the September. My friend that is hosting the shower would like the invites by then. Also we have our 3D u/s on that day. I can't wait. I am getting excited.

This weekend was crazy.. family drama.. what could one do without it? I mean come on now. I really dont need some il drama. kwim. But hey i guess one always has to deal with it.

11 mths since my Angel left!

11 months ago my precious Angel was taken from his mommy . I really am struggling lately. I am praying that after the 1yr anny it will be better. I struggle to look at clothes, diapers, anything baby related. I can look for a couple of mins then nope.
Today i heard the song "Precious Child" and omg it just touched me so much. Here are the lyrics. "PRECIOUS CHILD"
Words and Music by Karen Taylor-Good
In my dreams, you are alive and wellPrecious child, precious childIn my mind, I see you clear as a bellPrecious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a holeThat can never be filledBut in my heart, there is hope'Cause you are with me still
In my heart, you live onAlways there never gonePrecious child, you left too soonTho' it may be true that we're apartYou will live forever... in my heart
In my plans, I was the first to leavePrecious child, precious childBut in this world, I was left here to grievePrecious child, my precious child
In my soul, there is a holeThat can never be filledBut in my heart there is hopeAnd you are with me still
In my heart you live onAlways there, never gonePrecious child, you left too soon,Tho' it may be true that we're apartYou will live forever... in my heart
God knows I want to hold you,See you, touch youAnd maybe there's a heavenAnd someday I will againPlease know you are not forgotten until then
In my heart you live onAlways there never gonePrecious child, you left too soonTho' it may be true that we're apartYou will live forever... in my heart

This song is so true for me. Angel will forever be in my heart and will nevr be forgotten. In some manner i feel though that i am forgetting him by having another baby and being so happy. I know that he would not want his mommy to feel that way. Sometimes i just can't help but know what i have missed. :( Like when my dd came and gave me a hug and says "I luv you mommy.. you are so pretty!" I will never have that with my Angel Robert. Sometimes i think it is harder knowing what you are missing. I know that God has his plans and reasons for things. I have learned so much through this journey. But I can't help but wonder why. I am a descent person, loving parent, my children are well taken care of and dont want for much, in a loving relationship. In my heart i know it is none of these things but still it does not take that wonder away from the brain. Sometimes you have your good days and your hard ones.. Today is just one of those hard ones. God bless those angel moms out there!

No hossy for a while longer! :)

Hello everyone. We have avoided the hospital for another week or two. :) Doc upped the meds and said that the cervix is a bit more stretchy but we are at a 1-1.5 still so that is awesome. At least one organ is listening in this process. I have to go back in two weeks and be checked again. He is avoiding the steroids till we need them. He said i want them in you at the most effective time. So praying we dont even have to get them. We discussed about NICU stuff today and about certain weeks and milestones again. So we really need the 30+wk mark so i dont have a micropreemie on my hands. I am confident after today that we are going to make it. I just know it. She wants to wait it out for her cousin.. smart gal. :) My doc said i at least owed him the favor of his haunt the zoo out card. Hey when the organ decides it is her big day then he can do what he needs to do. :) Anywho we are good for now. I will write more tomorrow. The organ says i need to go lay down.

A crappy weekend with a cranky organ.

(Copied from my pal board post)
Hey ladies. I am here. Sorry i did not get back on yesterday to update. My laptop is on the fritz so i had to wait until i could have more vertical time. So anywho.. I called back yesterday again when the meds wore off and we had more problems and his partner which i hate is like oh you are a btdt mom dont worry about it you are going to feel contrx. Yeah you nimrod i will but not every 5mins. So i told dh nothing but laying down and propping the hips up so we can convince her to get off of the pelvic bone/cervix. I did tell dh last night that if it got worse my butt would go to the hossy no doubt about it. So the evening went on and we were pretty good as long as i did not move my body. Then last night about 230am i start getting slammed with them about every 2-3mins the kind that have you praying for the anth. (Btw those contrx made me realize that I DO want my epi... lol) So took another 3 pills and just prayed for 35mins that the pain would leave soon and very soon. I also got up to go potty and noticed spot decided to return. Since it was not blood red i decided to lay there in bed. Dh was really good in rubbing my back and keeping me calm. I broke down last night and just cried telling him i did not want to have a 2lb baby. He was so good at keeping me in check and told me that if it happens we will deal with it but it probably would not happen. Anywho so that is our mini update.
I just got a call on the phone with the nurse while typing this. I am going to the doc today at 130pm to do another ffn and to check the cervix make sure she is doing a good job on staying closed to only a 1cm. We are going to discuss the steriods today as he says they are looking like i am going to need them. He did say on the phone if there is change we are headed to stay in the hossy. Please let there not be change!

26 weeks and a little nervous.

Hello there. I am 26wks and 1 day today. I am getting a bit nervous for my appt on the 19th. I dont know that i want to hear what he has to say. I said this before but lately we are having alot of pressure and more painful contrx. However the drugs are helping the contrx so i know that has to be doing some good. :) Another week down in the books sure helps the mind though. Each week we are getting closer to that 28wk magic mark and that 34wk golden mark.
So lately i have been trying to make goals for myself. Only 57 days till my special date with dh. I am so ready to go on a special date again. Have not gone on one of those dates in a long time. We are talking nice place to eat, do something special afterwards, and find a babysitter for the night. Now we made these plans and dh says
#1. I can not go into labor beforehand bc that would just ruin it.. He says no candlelight dinners at the hossy for him. :)
#2. If and when we go then i am not allowed to go into labor at the dinner.. Yeah that would be a mood killer eh!
#3. He says i can NOT go into labor until we are done spending the night at a hotel. He said i have to get what i paid for right! LOL. (he is joking. )
So really something to look forward to. Oh i also get to plan my dd 2nd birthday.. Now this should be interesting since majority of my time i am supposed to be on the couch. I guess that is what daddy is for huh.
Thanks for all the encouragement. I really truely appreciate it. Somedays you feel like ptl just beats you against the wall. This morning was one of them. I could barely walk during a contrx and her noggin was on my pelvice bones. But i told myself i am not going to let this ruin my day. So tonight i will do some more couch duty and watch some more 101 dalmations with my girls. Genesis is getting facinated with me crocheting the blanket for the baby but i have to leave it on my belly while crocheting bc the baby is cold. So cute. Thanks again for the support.

Really about to lose my sanity!

Hello there. I am about to lose my sanity with this pregnancy. I am sitting here at work having contrx every 12mins. It is driving me ape nuts! I took my extra pill and got my toosties up. So just waiting for them to pipe down. I am so ready to just get a good cry out of my system. With every contrx that happens i am so worried what if it is changing my cervix or what if it is going to break my water. Sure that test says 90% of women wont go in labor but i have been known to break the odds of a medication/test before. My doc says i dont call you the other % pt for no reason at all. lol. But seriously. I am sick of this. I worry about having a mircopreemie. What more can i do?????? I have taken all meds that can be taken, doing everything i can do, what what what can i do. I am so frustrated! I know crying is not going to do me alot of good but come on one can only take so much freaking pain! kwim. Ibprophren helps alot.
I guess i just needed to vent it out. I only have 88 more days till this is all over with. 60 days till i am done with medication and everything. So i know it is an obtainable goal.. I am just having one of those days today. I am sure it will be better tomorrow after i get my lovely injection!

My lovely weekend without a L&D experience! :)

Hello everyone. So i am trying to break the trend at my cousin's request. Sorry AB i did not get a good movie in but i did get some sewing done and more painting of the girls nails. I swear they love mom on the couch at times.
So anywho here are some of my thoughts. My test came back - in case i forgot to mention that. So that was wonderful news. I did happen to scare the bejezzus out of one of my older docs on Friday. She was talking to me and my uterus decided it wanted to pitch in it's two cents in on the subject every 3-5mins for a bit. She freaked.. almost funny! So i was yelled at and said you must sit in your chair and not go anywhere. Um lady i know that. I took an extra pill chugged some water and life was great. She also made a point to tell the chairman so i got a demand for my emergency contact numbers. Really come on folks i can dial a phone. Sure the contrx hurt but i can manage. I know my cousin's extension and she works on the same campus.. So it's not like i dont have someone within a mile that could help in some sort of fashion. Anywho. My uterus i have now decided is an overachiever! :) Trying to this positive here. lol. I got an email from nutured family or something about being 25 weeks and it said something to the effect like i could have braxton hicks now.. ROFL! Man it is so late in the game. First one was around 14wks. Consistent ptl ones at 19wks. Three meds later at 25wks! Just made me laugh my butt off. So now i have an over achieving uterus. Seriously it could pipe down for a bit.
Saturday we really did not do alot. We went for our 3D scan which i have to say was the most disappointing scan i have done thus far. She would not cooperate at all. I drank a big icee and nothing. I mean come on! Come to find out my bowels are full and pressing in on her space and then she LOVES the exit space. So we are going back in 4wks from yesterday to have another one done so she can grow and we can have a better opportunity to get some cute pics of her done before her shower! Some friends came over last night to visit the girls and my dh and i. It was fun.
Today i umm *cough* went against doc orders a bit. I had to make an ER trip to the store for some diapers and when you are home alone with kiddies well you gotta take them with ya. I dont keep pull ups here anymore. So we got in the car and went to the store. Then i got the girls some happy meals and decided the store trip should not have happened. I have been cramping ever since.. So hence this long blog post while i am laying down! Also last night i had a dream very real to me. Which those scare the bejezzus out of me bc typically they come true. So i had this dream that i am in the hossy and there are a few docs talking to me about the gestation of the baby. The baby was around 29.5wks and they said they had to deliver her bc i was at an 8. My dh was arguing with the docs telling them no way in hadies that his baby was going to be born until she was at least 34wks.But it came down to it and the doc said you can do this vaginally or c-section so we decided on a c. It was so surreal and clear. I remember the lady coming to me while they were stitching me back up telling me she weighed 2.9lbs and she was a screaming and breathing great. I woke up very flustered and nervous. I am seriously praying this is just a dream and this one does not come true! Lord she needs to bake till at least 32-34wks! But again it is not my will that will be done it is the Lord's and i have to remember that he has a plan for this little girl and as much as I may or may not like it it is not in my control it is in his. So i guess i will buckle down and enjoy my couch time and enjoy my answering the telephones while my toosties are propped.

Some belly pics and rambles!

Hello there. I thought i would post some belly pics. (or lack of) The first one is me at 22wks even. Then the second one is me today at 25wk1day. I think we might have a belly emerging from there. :) My neighbor told me last night i dont look preggo i just look chubby so i had to take a pic and convince myself that there is something there! lol.
Today i feel very optomistic about things. I keep having dreams that i am going to deliver baby girl around mid to late October so i have decided i am taking faith in those and just believing in those. I have so many things going in between now and then. 3d/4d u/s on the 9th, Dad's birthday August 11th, Shot on the 12, School starts on the 18th, shot on the 19, appt on the 19th, school starts

for dd's on the 26th,and shot on the 26th, dd birthday party on the 30th. Then september is just as packed as the rest of this month. So is october. And they want me to be on bedrest?! lol!

25wk update/ Urgent visit with ob today!

Hello all. Just a bit early before the appt was scheduled for. But i was at work and my uterus decided it needed to sound off more than i could handle. Thank God my doc was in the office and i did not get another stint in the joint! lol. ;) So he weighed and measured me. I LOST 1LB. He seemed pleasant about that. Trust me i have gained a few. lol. (22lbs so far) Fundal height going great. Just my uterus is not playing the game right. He adjusted my meds again. I am on higher dose of procardia. Higher dose of terb and keep taking the injections. I had another FFN test (test to see if you are going to possibly deliver in 2wks) and we are waiting on the results. IF it comes back + then strict bedrest and no more working at all and i will be hospitalized as soon as the results come back to get the roids for her lungs. Then he says he will let me continue doing the rest at home. If it comes back - then we continue on our plan. My cervix was still 1cm and soft. They could not find the reason for spotting the other day. Figures it is my body we are talking about. He said he is geniunely concerned. well hell i am too! Oh and he says you have been abiding by my no sex rules right.. UM DO YOU THINK I WOULD BE THIS CRANKY IF NOT! LOL. He got the message. So yeah that is where we stand today. I go back on the 19th to see him where i will be 27wks and get to do the lovely gest diabetes test. YUCK! We will also do another FFN test then. He said if you can make it the last week of October and walse in my office at a 3 or better i will throw you in the hossy and we will have a baby. Its a deal buddy. But that is if my cousin has her baby by then.. I gotta see her lil man first! I am so excited.. Hey maybe her going into labor somewhere around her edd will put me into full blow labor too! :) My hope! Anywho that is it for us for now.

Out on parole again from L&D!

Hello all. I am out on parole again from l&d. I was admitted friday evening with a temp of 101.9. They determined i had an infection in my bowels and then i started having contractions while i was there. Good news is that i am still a 1 and still soft. So that is good there is no change. Keep praying for that. We only have 69 more days of modified bedrest. So it is totally doable. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. While in L&D they gave me tons of antibiotics and fluids and gave more meds to keep the contrx at bay. Doc emphasized couch duty while i am at home and no walking the stores and malls. Gotcha that is what a wheel chair is for! :) So we only hope and pray to cook this lil girl till she can come out in 69 more days! 98 till induction day! YES oh yes!