11 mths since my Angel left!

11 months ago my precious Angel was taken from his mommy . I really am struggling lately. I am praying that after the 1yr anny it will be better. I struggle to look at clothes, diapers, anything baby related. I can look for a couple of mins then nope.
Today i heard the song "Precious Child" and omg it just touched me so much. Here are the lyrics. "PRECIOUS CHILD"
Words and Music by Karen Taylor-Good
In my dreams, you are alive and wellPrecious child, precious childIn my mind, I see you clear as a bellPrecious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a holeThat can never be filledBut in my heart, there is hope'Cause you are with me still
In my heart, you live onAlways there never gonePrecious child, you left too soonTho' it may be true that we're apartYou will live forever... in my heart
In my plans, I was the first to leavePrecious child, precious childBut in this world, I was left here to grievePrecious child, my precious child
In my soul, there is a holeThat can never be filledBut in my heart there is hopeAnd you are with me still
In my heart you live onAlways there, never gonePrecious child, you left too soon,Tho' it may be true that we're apartYou will live forever... in my heart
God knows I want to hold you,See you, touch youAnd maybe there's a heavenAnd someday I will againPlease know you are not forgotten until then
In my heart you live onAlways there never gonePrecious child, you left too soonTho' it may be true that we're apartYou will live forever... in my heart

This song is so true for me. Angel will forever be in my heart and will nevr be forgotten. In some manner i feel though that i am forgetting him by having another baby and being so happy. I know that he would not want his mommy to feel that way. Sometimes i just can't help but know what i have missed. :( Like when my dd came and gave me a hug and says "I luv you mommy.. you are so pretty!" I will never have that with my Angel Robert. Sometimes i think it is harder knowing what you are missing. I know that God has his plans and reasons for things. I have learned so much through this journey. But I can't help but wonder why. I am a descent person, loving parent, my children are well taken care of and dont want for much, in a loving relationship. In my heart i know it is none of these things but still it does not take that wonder away from the brain. Sometimes you have your good days and your hard ones.. Today is just one of those hard ones. God bless those angel moms out there!