Hello!

Hello all. Our weekend is trucking along. I am about to hit the sack but wanted to give a update on the diva. She is doing okay. We had to use O2 a couple times this weekend. But she would quickly snap out of her spells when she got about 1.5liters of O2. I have to call her pedi in the am to talk to her about some stuff. That will be one of the things i chat about. Also her swelling is not being maintained by the meds again. :*( Poor girl.. Looks like someone socked her eyes sometimes. Or if you remember how you get when you are in your 3rd trimester all puffy and stuff.. That is her! We will also get her kidney and bladder results tomorrow i think. I have a feeling those will come out just fine too. I mean some things we can't have simple answers for. She is recovered from her Gtube drama. Boy i check that fluid level all the time now. lol
Alexus is doing alot better. Not sounding like a whistle when she breathes anymore. Now it is Genesis. Kenadie had a cough today thank goodness it is a dry one. However she was up all night just cranky and could only sleep on my chest. She had the sweats and just was not herself. Tonight i will be making her stay on her pulse ox all night. Just to make sure we are doing okay. We have the apnea monitor if i want to use it but eh the pulse ox is good enough.
I am doing okay. This weekend i have been a bit emotional. On one hand i dont know then on the other i am like a ball of nerves every time she turns purple and every time she has a sweating epi. I try not to let it get to me but man it sucks. Then one of our heart buddies she is going to have to have another open heart surgery again. This lil girl has been through way too much in her little life. These babies should not have to endure this. The one thing that i can relate to with this other mother is i dont sleep and i am always scared that my baby is going to die on me. I hold her every moment i can and love on her every moment i can. I am so scared that if i dont i might regret it. And you know that sucks to kind of live that way. One thing this process has tought me is i can not take a dang thing for granted. It can be stripped away from you in an instant. I love all my children. I am scared that we wont find a doc for her. And that she is going to fall through the cracks. I feel like sometimes i am not good enough for her too. And people that is a crappy feeling.
Another thing. My children's godparents are expecting after 9yrs of nada. She had a mc 9yrs ago. And my goodness it feels like it is me. I want this so bad for them. I am a nervous nancy every time she goes the doc. I am scared when she tells me about an u/s or the doppler. They so deserve this baby and please Lord carry through with this one and bless them with a HEALTHY baby!
My cousin took her baby to the doc and found out her baby's murmur was an innocent murmur. I was like yeah congrats to you. But then again i was like DAMN IT WHY COULD that not be us? Aaron was like well maybe if we were in their position then we could. Trust me he is being a smartass. He gets irked about that stuff too. I know i am being selfish in those thoughts too.
Well we should have some answers tomorrow. I will post as soon as i get them. Thanks for reading my rambles if you made it this far.