Sooo.. here it is.

Hmm I dont know what to say this morning. I am okay one minute and then not okay the next. So my Diva's ticker is not behaving like well the avg ticker should post repair. First please let me tell you that I have been yelling at the top of my lungs that ms K has been having swelling and puffiness for MONTHS! I get oh it is normal or some other random thing. (not from her pedi. her pedi is with me on this) So back to the ticker issue. K's ticker has mitro valve regurg.. which we knew about. We were keeping a watchful eye on that. So forward to yesterday. I got greeted with tricuspid regurg, stenosis (can't remember the first name), and pressures are a bit on the high side. Now Kenadie's pressures have NOT been off in a while! So this slammed me hard. I work so damn hard to make sure she is healthy, does not get too upset, has the best care possible. And now I feel like I have failed her. I know in my heart of hearts there is nothing that I can do or say to make this better or go away and thatI could not cause it. But as a mother you want to do what you can. Anywho.. back to echo again. So if we had one or the other we would be okay. But now we have both. And frankly that just sucks. That is like when she had her asd and vsd. I mean if we had A and not V she would have been fine. So dallas has been called and they say there is not a contraindication for her to have the surgery so we can still go forth and if a problem should arise.. she is to be on the first helicopter to dallas!
So let me back up a bit. Yesterday I got the call from her surgery case manager. Lets call her C for this instance. C says "Hello alisha.. I am dr. t's case manager and I was just calling about Kenadie's echo since you emailed me and wanted to know about it." Alisha" okay great, let the results rip!"C says" Now I do not know much about caridac to save ones soul but I talked to cardiology already" Alisha"gulp" C says" So Kenadie's echo showed some things normal like no leakage around the asd and vsd BUT we have xyz that has come back abnormal" Alisha"oh umm really?!" C says" well i guess this is okay since cardio says that she can go forth with her surgery" Alisha"please call her cardi in dallas and make sure it is okay" C"okay great will do". So I am a bit unsettled that a case manager called me about her results. I mean umm hello.. Information you know. Thank goodness we go to dallas. They called meback and was like yes it is not good but her pressures are not crazy right now and her regurg is on the moderate side so go ahead with tummy surgery BUT know you are coming down to dallas after recovery. Okay fine with me. Her thoraxic doc is going to peek at the echo but he has already sent the email and says I WANT MY OWN DONE! Man this sounds just like him in person too! lol. Their machines down there have awesome clarity and digital gadgets and stuff. It was crazy looking at her holes in her heart when we went down there for the first go around.
Please do not say:
alisha at least it can be fixed. I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT! HEART SURGERY IS NO FUN GAME! Ask a few heart parents they will gladly tell you their thoughts of the bypass machine!
alisha at least she looks healthy. you might be missing your two front teeth.. i am tired of hearing that! looks do not get you anywhere. and IF you knew the heart kiddos i have met. you would not know they have a heart condition unless you ask their parents.
and please dont tell me that at least she does not have cancer. i might go ape nuts and have to claim insanity when i go to court for going ape nuts! lol.