A labor and delivery visit for me today.

Hello all. I woke up at 8am this morning and had contrx every few mins.. I drank my water layed on the left side.. Nada would work. So by 1030 i said time to go and make sure chickpea is doing okay. We got up there at the ER and the lady wanted to argue with me on how far along i am. Hello i have had this pregnancy monitored from conception due to having a procedure to get pregnant! ugh. So she tells me to go to L&D so i did. THen the nurse in L&D says no it is ER for you but the head nurse says oh we know her and she is quite familiar with my history and says no keep her on my floor and take her. Finally thanks! So they put me on the contrx monitor.. Sure as gold they were showing up.. So i got reunited with terb shots. Man those are a walk in the park compared to P17 anyday. LOL. The doc on call wanted my cervix checked on by u/s he said no fingers near it! (p.s. he knows me too! lol) So they measure and the tech.. guess what he remembered me from miscarrying maddy.. i almost cried my eyes out. HE says i remember you on my table and i had to tell you bad news. Oh dude dont bring that up. But then he says. I remember you with your other girls too and let me guess you are having contrx. Yep einstein! So he measures and says OH WE HAVE FORT KNOX! PRAISE GOD! Then says fluid levels are wonderful! Baby measured beautifully. Hb was wonderful! I cried! He says imo and i am not a doc but i can see those bowels are full on my u/s so that could be causing issues. So the nurse calls the doc, doc says it is a combo of my uterus not playing fair games which i will have to deal with this pregnancy. (Nothing new for this mommma.. not a high risk pregnancy for no good reason ;) ) he also thinks that my slow bowel is giving us more complications.. HE wants water intake now up 110oz a day. Umm give me my floaties so i can go on and float down the river. But i will do whatever i have to! I am now on modified br this weekend and pelvic rest until 32wks. Sorry dh no sex for you for a LONG time! Oh gotta tell you his remark to that.. He says good thing we had good sex the other night huh.. OMG ROFL.. Yes dear. (he said it right in front of the nurse!) So i am terb pills and modified rest now.
So that was my exciting saturday when we actually had planned to spend time with friends.. But hey making sure baby is okay is top priority for this momma! :) Oh one thing i did not mention up above is that the tech would not confirm boy or girl but we seen the goods and if my trained eyes are right.. it is another girl. Lidia Gayle will be her name i think. That is subject to change. If you can send me some prayers to make it full term i would be ever so grateful!

Just a little post..

Hello there. Today is Friday! Thank God for them. I wanted to make a post bc i have been getting questions about what injections i am taking. I am taking the P17 injections. They are a progesterone mixed injection.
I went and got my second one on Wednesday and people let me tell you it is no walk in the park.. Those bad boys hurt like he#*! I dont know what about this one hurt more than last time but man it sucked monkey nuts! Oh they are not subque shots.. the little needles.. they are the IM shots.. which is intra muscular. They have to go deep in the muscle. All i gotta say is my bum hurts bad for a few days afterwards. Dh likes to make jokes about it being a pain my ass. He is not funny! I only have 15 more to go and then i am finished! Oh and poor dh.. I have some se's (side effects) from these that can be hard on family members.. moodiness, crankiness, emotional outbursts but i only notice these two days before the next one.. i got really weepy and just tired. Oh it makes your sex drive go down in the dumps too.. I am still looking the dumpster for it and well have yet to find it. lol. But i know these shots are going to be well worth it if we can get a full term baby out of this deal. I mean not alot to ask for right? We shall see.
I am starting to feel the baby more and more everyday. Which is awesome but also kind of depressing. Last night i realized how disconnected i feel with this pregnancy. Like i know i am pregnant but it just is not real. I dont get all happy and gooey when i do feel the kicks. I feel relieved and blessed. THANKS ALOT PAL BRAIN! I am also having issues when i have tightening or slight cramping i freak out. I dont know if it is bc my ptl dates are coming around. 22wks with my 2nd dd. So that is fast approaching and scaring the bejezzus out of me.
I am also nervous for my scan on monday.. Most reg preggos in my position are so excited about this.. not this one. I am scared out of my wits. I hate that machine! We have had a rocky relationship together. lol. Lately it has been good but you know how that goes.
well i think that is about it. I have exams this weekend so you prob wont hear from me unless the anexity gets the best of me. Have fun all.

18.3wks update and just alot of my feelers and ramblings!

Hello everyone.. First i need to apologize for the lack of updates. This momma really has no excuse other than i was really trying to shut myself away from this pregnancy. Trying to guard myself. Who am i kidding.. I am attached to this baby like i am with all of mine.. So do expect full updates from here on out and i will still ramble about my angels bc i really am having a hard time lately with all that. So yeah.
June 20th just stopped by and well as most of you know I HATE the 20th of any month now.. Just the number 20 just gives me emotions running through my body. But this month.. it was just a rough day all in all. I know i am not the only one in the medical field and well my morning started off kind of crappy then i heard about the pregnancy pact crap.. i go could on about that forever. I dont get it. I have family that has been trying for 7yrs and this shit happens.. makes me want to barf. then i get stupid ass comments from some unmentioned family members about how my angels were meant to be just that angels.. sure that was god's full intention.. okay. whatever. then i go to work and i love my pt's i really do and when one that i have a good relationship with has to get grave news.. not so good. (Oh yeah. i know some people are emersed in this more than i and you know that is your job.. but it is still hard no matter how you try to anty up one on the case. which i might add someone tried to do!) my heart just could not take no more beatings. this family wants their little girl so badly and yet it will be slowly slipped away.. and these stupid ass yahoos get a baby.. i hope karma bites these people in the ass. but back with one of my pt's.. you watch this child grow. celebrate movement, picking up a cheerio, saying the word dada.. and now ugh.. this. i thought for one moment.. maybe i need to get out of the business that maybe i just need to stay on academics. but then i talked with some folks plus the mother and she was like omg you mean so much to us. which i might add made me cry buckets. i really feel for her as a mother.. you know. i dont look at any of my pt's as just that pt's they are all like my babies and family. so after that.. then i get some tightening with this pregnancy. oh god i prayed please dont.. so we go sit in the ER for hrs and be told you are not at the viable point yet so you are way down on the list.. THANKS YOU ASSHOLES! thankfully some of my medical knowledge along with a call to the ob and we figured out Alisha is dehydrated. ugh more water.. i swear i am a damn lake or something. (before pregnancy too!) So we are good now. But yeah. I just wish life could be fair to the people who deserve it. And i also wish the healing of my heart could hurry or something bc man this crap still hurts 9 months later. 9 months later i still wonder what he would have looked like, how he would have slept, if i could have breastfed, would he look like his daddy. My heart just aches. And it makes it that much harder to bond with this little life inside of me. But yeah.
Okay so some of my annoyances lately.. i have to dish. I am tired of people asking me am i happy about this.. Well when i give you a true answer and say i am scared.. they say well you are the one who got pregnant again. YEAH you dip whit that does not make it easy! I have to worry everyday whether or not i have living being inside of me. Okay but those answers are only to close people not just strangers. kwim.
Then i got the comment about my injections. A person told me that they thought it was not worth it. Okay so giving your loved one an injection to keep them alive would not be worth it??? Essentially that is the case here. I have to take them to keep this little one in and alive! Oh i could go on and on.
So for the pregnancy update. I am 18.3wks pregnant. Dh felt the baby move tonight for the first time. It was a very exciting moment! We were so freaking happy! I started my injections this past wednesday and may i say OUCH! My bum still freaking hurts! I will be doing them weekly. So tonya if you are still reading.. BRING MY BUTT PILLOW! lol. She so threatens to bring me one after the delivery of my kids. My next appt is july 8th. My next u/s is June 30th. We are hoping to find the gender out then. Got my fingers crossed. But if not all is well. We talked with my ob about labor and delivery last time. He would like to see me hit the 37wks mark. But if not just make it past the 33wk mark. Which i am praying we can get past that and have NO NICU time at all. We have already decided who we want with us and how we would like it to go but we know me and plans.. they dont coinside. I am just praying that i make it to the hospital in time for drugs. I had one drug free birth NOT by choice and i am not a volunteer for another. So i have a goal to make it to OCT 1 with no LD visits at all. Hmm this IS doable! :) Well that is it for now. Hopefully the next time you hear from me it will be pink or blue news!

13 week update!

Hello everyone. I thought i would give an update. I had my nt scan on Tuesday and all measured great. Brain measured fine also. They moved my edd up to the 19th. But baby will be here no later than November 7th. Think i will go in labor while voting? Hard decision. Barack, Obama, Clinton, or Garfield and Odie! I say two cheers for Garfield and Odie. Anywho.. We agreed on the shots plan iwill start them in june i will also have my big gender u/s June 23rd. :) So excited! Here is the part where i feel descent about pregnancy for the next 9wks then comes the dreaded fear of ptl. But hopefully these shots will do me some good bc i dont need my ptl brain and my pal brain joining teams. That would not be fair to human kind. lol. I made the doc write on my chart that my baby factory is closing when i have this baby. No more. i never want to experience pregnancy after a loss again. Just not my cup of tea! So yeah. All in all everything went well. Btw his/her hb was 144 bpm in the morning and 156bpm that afternoon. So no giving hints about whether it is a boy or girl. Make me wait it out till june! Vacation is coming around the corner. I am so excited. Next week is aaron's birthday and then the week after that we get ready to go to NC! 18 days to go! Very exciting. We are also going to reveal to my il's that i am pregnant on thursday evening. That is if they are not reading this blog now. LOL. So i am a bit nervous about that. I dont know how my fil will take it. Personally i dont want to hear any negative comments bc we have been through so much stuff just to get to keep a baby in the pot. So yeah. That is the update here on this front!

Update on Chickpea.

So i went to the doc on monday and we got to see chickpea. He was squirming and kicking. So cute! Then spoke with my doc and he broke his promise. He said no more u/s. :( Good thing i have to go to the MFM for my nt scan. :) But i get to go to his office bi weekly and listen to the hb. Which is nice but i have a doppler at home. So yeah. But at least i will get to see him eow and get the reassurance that i need. Then at 16 wks i will start the P17 injections. They are to help me try and keep the baby in so i dont have to deal wiht pre-term labor. Had it with both my kids and was walking around dialated at a 3 at 35wks. Now i want a full term baby but no going over the due date. :) Which i might add doc says that wont happen. At 38wks i will deliver due to pre-existing medical issues. Thank the Lord he has me a date to work for. :) Oh i have my big u/s in 7 weeks from now. I am still undecided on if i want to find out. I kind of want a surprise. It would be cool. But then again i am a planner and love to look at going home outfits and such. I just dont know. Oh and names wont be announced till the baby is born just so i dont have to hear oh we have one named that or i dont like it. Just our call. So anyways that is about it on that front. I will leave you with the u/s photo.

My PAL brain is getting the better of me today!

Today i am just nervous about being pregnant. Nervous that something is going to go wrong. I think i need to take a step away from message boards for a while and just focus on me and my family. Being pregnant after a loss is so hard on ones mind. I am tired of getting well you are pregnant again be happy with that. Umm.. lets think 2 losses does not equal happiness while pregnant anymore. It equals fear. No one can really understand the fear that i am going thru until you have lost a pregnancy and get pregnant again. I just hate those emails to me that just say be happy you are pregnant again. Okay i have told the good lord how thankful i am for this but please dont tell me to be happy and excited. I will in my own time when i feel like i can and if that is not until i have that baby in my arms then so freaking be it.
I keep getting the is this your last one question. Please dont ask a woman if it is her last one. None of their business. Just mine and my dh. I am financially secure and i pay my own bills so i dont think that anyone needs to tell me how many children i NEED to have or not have. But for those that are just so curious that they just need to know. When i have one more healthy baby in my arms i am going to be done!
Well that is all my ranting today. Blessings to all. Btw can you keep my friends in your prayers who are dealing with IF issues? thanks so much.

We heard it!

Hello to everyone who reads my blog. I have some good news. WE HEARD THE HB ON MY DOPPLER! It was great. I was searching for a bit and then i found it. It was really fast. Dh was like are you sure that is not your hb. Ummm if that is mine.. Dear we need to run to the ER very fast bc that is not good. It was quite comical though. I put it on my heart and he was OH OKAY! Then we also heard the baby squirm. It was cool. I think i am sending the doppler back to get a digital though. I can count fast but umm it is easier seeing a read out. kwim. But yeah. So that is our mini update. I am going back to the doc on monday 4/28/08.