This weekend so far...

Hello all. Thanks for all the encouragement the other day. That for the responses to the blog and to my personal email. It really does help ones mental status. :)
This weekend has been a mixed bag. Friday it was okay. Had several contraction patterns that were regular and some spotting but we quickly fixed that with some meds. Saturday was my dd's birthday party. Very small. Only grandmas, grandpas, and uncle matt showed. Which i think is good in a way bc i was feeling pretty crummy. I started having contrx at the party every 2mins and we are talking the ones where you want to knock the crap out of your husband for. Scared me a bit. But again nothing my medication could not handle. Also on saturday it felt as if my tummy had dropped. She feels so low. If that is even possible bc she felt low to begin with.
Today has been a mixed bag day. Started out with a contraction pattern but got better. We decided to go meet up with aaron for lunch and i guess that was not a good plan as i started to have contractions again. Really did i mention i am so SICK of them. Come November 1st i am going to get this baby out somehow someway! lol. I really want to hold out till after Halloween so i can have fun with my girls. We shall see though.
We are going to attempt to do the baby registry today as my friend who is throwing me a shower needs the info and what not in 6days so she can get the invites out. I can't believe my shower is in 28days! WOW! We have quite a bit that we need due to donating alot of it to the infant crisis center after i lost angel. I could not bare to see half of it. Just hurt too bad. I think i found my bedding. It has lady bugs on it. It is so cute! I got excited for once today about this. But now am back to nervous mode.
Ah for anyone who wants to know my birth plans.. I think i have finally decided this momma is getting an epidural. After weeks and weeks of pain.. I deserve some bliss! LOL! And i am having surgery right after so why not. :) Well i will update after my appt on tuesday.
Oh wait.. I have to dish on the funny part. On Thursday i get a call from the ob's office. I was like hmm what are they wanting.. maybe call and do a check up since i had been in the hossy. Um no they hired a new sectary that says " Hi this is so and so from Dr. H's office.. I am calling to remind you of your appt with dr. H on tuesday" My response.. well hello hun. I dont think i will be missing it. I need my frequent flyer miles. LOL. She says.. oh wait.. That is who they were talking to me about.. I just died laughing. The new sectary has been informed on my frequency habits in the office. She says i dont think i have to worry about calling you about any more appts. Um nope. LOL. Just too funny.

Just some thoughts this morning.

Hello all. So i am up early this morning. I feel like total crap. I was up with contrx where i prayed for the anth or the baby to come last night. We did get them stopped. And was just thinking about some things. I need some prayer requests this morning:
1. Pray that i can have the sanity and the strength to make it through this.
2. Pray for baby girls health. If she does come early then i pray she is at a point where she will be okay.
3. Pray for my husband. This is starting to take a toll on the man.
4. Pray for my body.. it prob just needs the prayer by now.
Thanks so much!

My evening in L&D

So i was at work today for a bit and then i start having insane contrx every 6-7mins, watery dc, and baby was not moving like usual. So i called ob he says well go on to the hossy and lets do a check. I get there and of course she is throwing a party when i get there. :) So movement is marked off our list of things to worry about. The nurse checks my cervix 1-1.5 cm. Has a worried look till she called the ob. The nurse f'ed up my ffn test bc you cant do one unless you do it first then do the cervix check. It will produce false hormones. But God bless her soul. The monitor says yep she is having some contrx. So the nurse puts another call in to the ob. He says give her a shot and tell her strict br for the rest of the night. They had a great debate on keeping me for 24hrs but every room was being used for deliveries then so he said i could go home. He says next time i might not be so lucky. REMINDER TO SELF: Do not go back there! lol. I am to keep a watchful eye out on everything my body does. The nurse was so nice she was like hun realistically i dont see ya going past 37wks. Well thanks for your honesty. She says once he yanks you off meds i see ya going in labor. Well i do too so that means i really need to get busy on my house. So i have got to enlist my mom and a friend to help me with some stuff since i am on strict orders of nothing but br other than work. Work is being really leanant and letting me prop my toosties and trying to take care of myself. Alot easier w/o toddlers and i get paid! :) Well i am having one issue now that i am at home. Bright red bleeding. Not alot so i am trying not to be too worried. I did call the on call and he says if it picks up then i am to immediately go to the ER or LD and tell them about it. So that is my evening in jail! I am on strict parole! lol.

Emotional Night

Tonight has been an emotional night. I took my 2 girls to their open house at school (pre-k and toddler prep) and i seen this guy walking with his what seemed to be a 1yro little boy. He told the little boy come on little buddy lets go see your teacher. That just slammed me so hard. My dh does not get to walk his little buddy to class. He can walk his princesses to class yes. But still not the one he lost and not his little football buddy. I just started bawling so hard. I had to walk away. Then when we left dh asked what was the matter. I told him and just sobbed. Tonight i am just feeling my losses hard.
Another part of my emotional night is the contractions are starting to break me down a bit. I am just to the point where i am ready to throw my hat in the ring. I never had it like this with my other two girls. Why? What have i done? I am following dr orders to a T. I just dont get the whole thing. Sometimes one can take only so much and tonight i just feel like i have had enough. I know in reality i still have a battle to fight. I have 48more days i have to fight. I have 6 more shots to do after tomorrow. That is another thing.. those shots make me so emotional right before. It is so crazy how emotional i got. I even asked the docs about it. They said yup totally normal. Aw thanks for the forewarning dude! But hey like i said only 6more to go.
I do have to say thank you to my cousin.. she has been so good to listening to me. When i have my freak outs at work. When those contractions are slamming me hard she is great. THANK YOU!
I think if i can just get my good cry out tonight then i will be great. Wednesday we are 28wks!

My weekend

Well we made it another weekend without the hossy. Sunday i swore i was going to have to go but i said nope i can't go and dont want to. So we gave the uterus a few extra pills to digest on and she was a much happier camper. I am going to be 28 wks this week and let me tell you how happy i am. When i seen the doc in the hosp he said this is one of our big milestone weeks. So my dh and i are so happy to be hitting this mark. We also can't wait for the next 6 weeks to go by too. I am so ready to be able to walk around a store or do other things. If i try and do too much at home the little girl goes straight for the exit sign and get really low in the pelvis.. Think i could bribe her to move up a little?! We still did not get the registery done but eh i guess we will shoot for this weekend or next week. Just gotta get it done before the 6th of the September. My friend that is hosting the shower would like the invites by then. Also we have our 3D u/s on that day. I can't wait. I am getting excited.

This weekend was crazy.. family drama.. what could one do without it? I mean come on now. I really dont need some il drama. kwim. But hey i guess one always has to deal with it.

11 mths since my Angel left!

11 months ago my precious Angel was taken from his mommy . I really am struggling lately. I am praying that after the 1yr anny it will be better. I struggle to look at clothes, diapers, anything baby related. I can look for a couple of mins then nope.
Today i heard the song "Precious Child" and omg it just touched me so much. Here are the lyrics. "PRECIOUS CHILD"
Words and Music by Karen Taylor-Good
In my dreams, you are alive and wellPrecious child, precious childIn my mind, I see you clear as a bellPrecious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a holeThat can never be filledBut in my heart, there is hope'Cause you are with me still
In my heart, you live onAlways there never gonePrecious child, you left too soonTho' it may be true that we're apartYou will live forever... in my heart
In my plans, I was the first to leavePrecious child, precious childBut in this world, I was left here to grievePrecious child, my precious child
In my soul, there is a holeThat can never be filledBut in my heart there is hopeAnd you are with me still
In my heart you live onAlways there, never gonePrecious child, you left too soon,Tho' it may be true that we're apartYou will live forever... in my heart
God knows I want to hold you,See you, touch youAnd maybe there's a heavenAnd someday I will againPlease know you are not forgotten until then
In my heart you live onAlways there never gonePrecious child, you left too soonTho' it may be true that we're apartYou will live forever... in my heart

This song is so true for me. Angel will forever be in my heart and will nevr be forgotten. In some manner i feel though that i am forgetting him by having another baby and being so happy. I know that he would not want his mommy to feel that way. Sometimes i just can't help but know what i have missed. :( Like when my dd came and gave me a hug and says "I luv you mommy.. you are so pretty!" I will never have that with my Angel Robert. Sometimes i think it is harder knowing what you are missing. I know that God has his plans and reasons for things. I have learned so much through this journey. But I can't help but wonder why. I am a descent person, loving parent, my children are well taken care of and dont want for much, in a loving relationship. In my heart i know it is none of these things but still it does not take that wonder away from the brain. Sometimes you have your good days and your hard ones.. Today is just one of those hard ones. God bless those angel moms out there!

No hossy for a while longer! :)

Hello everyone. We have avoided the hospital for another week or two. :) Doc upped the meds and said that the cervix is a bit more stretchy but we are at a 1-1.5 still so that is awesome. At least one organ is listening in this process. I have to go back in two weeks and be checked again. He is avoiding the steroids till we need them. He said i want them in you at the most effective time. So praying we dont even have to get them. We discussed about NICU stuff today and about certain weeks and milestones again. So we really need the 30+wk mark so i dont have a micropreemie on my hands. I am confident after today that we are going to make it. I just know it. She wants to wait it out for her cousin.. smart gal. :) My doc said i at least owed him the favor of his haunt the zoo out card. Hey when the organ decides it is her big day then he can do what he needs to do. :) Anywho we are good for now. I will write more tomorrow. The organ says i need to go lay down.