As i checked the mail today (a post about my angels)

I seen a newsletter from the support group I attend once a month. I open it and read the news and what not for the month. I see some of those poems and my heart just aches. I flip the page and see a page that says REMEMBERING OUR ANGELS SEPTEMBER 2008. I look down and see ANGEL ROBERT 9/20/07. My heart just breaks so bad. Just reading his name breaks me in two. 1 yr ago today i was living life so innocently just thinking i was pregnant and happy and life was going to be honky dory. Yeah until 6 days later it would all fall apart for me to pick the pieces up again. I will never forget my angels. They will always be apart of me. They were made in love and well wanted whether we planned them or not. God knows i miss my only son.
Speaking of someone asked me if i regret finding out that my baby was a boy. At the moment it was asked. I was angered by that. Why would someone say such a thing? But it made me reflect. Part of me wishes that the doc would not have said anything. I was so curious as to know but when it came down to it I did not but the doc said HE and then said SHE with my second loss. I confirmed. Why i dont know but i confirmed with the doc. Do i regret it? Somedays yes bc i know i will never have a son to hold only one to memorialize. But then again i know i had a son if only for a few weeks with a beating heart and even if he just looked like a glob.
As the 20th approaches i just ask for a few prayers for my heart. It still aches alot and i still miss my angel babies alot. Another thing that got to me today was a cousin of mine called me a bout breastfeeding advice (the one that had a baby around the time Angel Robert was due). I anwered the question and just sat there and cried thinking what would i have been doing now. Would i still be breastfeeding or would i be using formula. Ah this just sucks. Anywho. Thanks for praying for us.