Okay so here it goes.. *warning* i am still in self pity mode!

Good afternoon. I hope everyones saturday afternoon is going well. It is a nice and warm 30F outside and winds gusting like hell out. Uhh.. Not good for retail therapy! lol. So when i am too upset i usually place myself in my computer room so my hb does not have to see me cry or my kiddos. And you guess it that is why i am on the computer. I figure if i type it out i am good to go.
Yesterday started out okay.. Usual day in the life of me. Ran late to work and such. So i take ms K to the doc. Talk to the nurse. Tell her my list of issues with ms k. Then i hear a comment outside by our pedi.. "SHE CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS TO ME! I HAVE PAITENTS TO SEE!" My feelings were so hurt. I dont want to call her at every whim so i write a list for when i see her. So she comes in and sits down.. asks me what is wrong. I am very standoffish as i heard what she said. She says wait one min i have a return visit. Brb. Great. She comes back I open up more to her because if i dont tell her what is wrong it could possibly hurt or kill kenadie. I then tell her. My pedi grabs her own head turns it away from us. Then takes a deep breath and says with tears in her eyes.. Alisha I think she is in heart failure again. COME AGAIN?! She said i knew it when my nurse told me you had alot of things you had to tell me. She was hoping the lung xray would clear up thinking it was just the cold. No such thing. She has fluid on the lungs because of the blood being pushed through at a rapid pace. She also listened to her fontanelle (aka soft spot) and heard a swoosh.. You are NOT supposed to hear one! :*( Right now my heart aches badly. The one person i look to for strength was RUDE or so i thought till she opened up to me. Her dh just left her after 20yrs of marriage. So she was having a horrid day. Then she breaks down and says how much she cares for my ms k and how she is so scared her self. I know drs are humans i work with them every day. But sometimes i think we forget they have emotions too and they have good and bad days too. She told us she has never had a patient with this condition and from what she has read it is so RARE. We may not even be able to get treatment in Dallas. We may have to go to the mayo clinic or shriners (chris from sf group if you are reading this shoot me an email please!). I personally am just baffled by this. I am like please tell me i am flipping dreaming. I am so scared i am going to wake up to my child dead or something. Now on top of this i might lose my job. If i lose my job.. i lose my house, car, and well you know how the shit rolls down the hill.. well that is what it will do. Honestly i will focus on that later or try. But right now. I feel like i have been punched all the way back down to ground zero. A minor set back i can handle.. but this?! Not so much. So needless to say i was an emotional wreck at the docs. The ladies that are in the office are just amazing. They comfort me when i am by myself as i was yesterday. Dh went to the funeral for his BFF. Her pedi did tell me to call her anytime and let her know these things so she is not bombarded on thursday and maybe we can solve somethings before our thur/friday meetings. Ah okay will do. We are the last patient scheduled on Thursday though. So no worries about taking too long next week. lol. We may very well be in dallas next week. I guess we will find out in no time at all. Welll i will explain more later. This is just so hard on me.