2 years yesterday I lost my angel son. First I did not know it was my son. Too early. He was only in mommy's belly for a short time then flew off to be with GG. That day was horrific if i might add. Details I am sure are in my blog somewhere. Part of me is happy for finding out thanks to a nimrod RE but then again.. I have quite a bit of sadness still. My heart longs to know what it is like to be a mother to a son. I love my daughters to pieces but I still feel like something is missing in my heart. I touch those blue clothes and my heart breaks. It really does suck bad. I have a godson coming next month and I should feel nothing but happiness but part of my heart breaks. He is supposed to have a buddy named Angel Robert. And not one that can be his guardian angel either. But he does. I am so excited for them.. but you know your heart still hurts some. Yesterday I wanted to go hide in a hole and just stay there. But I couldn't. I went to the fair and tried to be optomistic about the day. Just so many memories come rushing to my head when that certain day of the year comes. That and may 4th.
Angel,
Mom loves you emmensely.. I thank you for all the work that you do when you watch over your sisters. Lord knows Kenadie needs double time. I miss you tons. I would have loved to be watching you grow.. See when your first steps would have been. Seeing just how much fun you would have had with your daddy. I bet he would have taught you xbox before you could have said momma! My heart hurts tons baby. I think of you often and I know you are having a good time. I finally talked to your papa. He's a great man. He is kind of hurt knowing he could have had a grandson. We were in the hosptial with your sister and some social worker was bugging me and I broke down. And papa was there to hear it. It was good though cause now papa talks to me about it often and acknowleges you. You were/are my baby..I may not have been able to give birth to you. But my love grew for you the day I seen a + on my pregnancy test. I remember when I told daddy i was pregnant with you. I was sick and went and got a pregnancy test at 430am. Took it and it came back +. We never in a million years thought we could get pregnant on our own. There it was. I ran to your dad who was still asleep and said "OMFG" i am pregnant. He thought I was pranking him. Then he got so excited. Then I had to tell nana and aunt tonya. Your nana was with me when I found out you passed away. :( Dr. Houk was a sweet dr. He said our baby is now in heaven and watching over us. I miss you tons sweetpea. Keep watching out for your sister. Momma loves you to peices and has her candle lit for you.
Love,
Your momma who misses you so much!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Tons of hugs to you Alisha. I know these days are harder than most. Time helps to heal but we never forget..our heart always feels the loss. Take care..thinking of you! Hugs!
I can't know how you feel, but my heart hurts for you and I was praying for you on this day (as I do most days). I even feel kinda guilty sometimes for having our two boys. I can only hope that they bring you joy when you're around them. BTW, we're way overdue for a K&K pic. Love you! AB
{{{BIG HUGE HUGS}}} to you right now!
Post a Comment