Deep thoughts and Night one in the hospital

Hello all. I am forewarning there is alot of deep thoughts and emotions going into tonights post. ;)

Very very first things. We met a lil family in the waiting room their 7 mo son named Walker was just diagnosed with Cancer in the Kidneys and a few spots on the lungs. He was having one of his kidneys removed today. Please pray for this family and wish that mom tons of lovings. She was one of the sweetest ladies I have met in person. She was just so open to hear our trials and they just got their diagnosis 4 days ago.. So it is very very fresh. She said even though K does not have cancer she has her own battle and she gives me and my family such strength! Blessings to walkers family!

So first things first. We got down to dallas last night a lil before 8pm like true diva fashion she was being a diva. Cranky, then broke out in a freaking rash, and sweating. UGh. So I called the GI on and they said just her AD that all is fine. Whew! So it was a very long night. Only about 2.5 hours of sleep and that was NOT consecutive either. Then we get up and moving at 545am and get to hossy by 630am. We were not rolled back to the OR till 11am! My poor kid had to suffer. Thank god her tummy empties slowly! lol. They get her back and they have a minor complication due to the ms emptying rates and then call us and say ready to roll. Papa and I get there and she is not doing so well. She is in alot of pain. She was very horse and rattly in the chest. She has never been this way post op. So I am a bit nervous about it. Today was horrendous. She just cried so hard till I rattled some cages and got her some meds. Then of course she threw up on me which sucked and peed on me. Gotta love being a mom! ;) It is just so hard to watch her struggle and know that she is in pain. If i could I would take it for her. Just so I would know my daughter would catch a break. So tomorrow we will do a scan with the probes and we will have some results on friday. Answers are always appreciated. :)
Oh and for those keeping up with saga on the reach team. We happen to see the gen ped doc that seen k in the hossy and made the referral today while walking to SB. He said oh ms h.. Where is k and i said she is on # floor doing her tummy biz and he was like oh.. really. I was like yeah.. Not here for attention today just not my cup of tea today. He said just for the record I did not want a cps involvement. Eh whatever dude. My daughter is in the or right now. Then he went on how unique k is and how rare you see these symptoms.
So tonight I am battling some feelings of anger,resentment, and just plain sad. I dont get some things. I dont get how this cracked out lady gets to have a healthy baby and abandon it at some hotel(seen it on the news). While this mom of walker just begs for God to let her keep her only child on the freaking earth! I dont get why the girl next door to us is only 4yrs and will need basically a body full of new organs to live. It seems so jacked up to me. These children are so freaking innocent. Where did they do something wrong to deserve this. Most of the parents I have met have been so sweet and compassionate. Why?! If this is to teach me a lesson. Please I beg for mercy I am done!
Also I have the anny of my Angel loss coming. September 20th. It hurts quite a bit still. I catch myself thinking would he have been healthy, would he have had any of this, and would he have mastered it like the diva. lol. I just plain hurt still. I see the lil boys that are about to be 2 and my heart sinks. Holding a little boy still stings so much.
My god son is coming next month... and I am so looking forward to it. I asked my angel son to please keep this baby safe and sound in his mommy's tummy and he has been. I think he will help me heal in some aspects.
well i am off tobed tonight. any questions please shoot an email. i am pretty wiped out.