My mom called and just gave me the news. My cousin delivered her baby girl via c-section today and was 6lb 4oz. Baby and mom are doing great. This just slapped me and made me realize that this should have been me. :( (minus the c) I should be having my baby and holding my baby. Instead i am worried to death that i am going to lose mine. My heart just aches at the current minute. I am somewhat happy for her. But just wondering why this had to happen.
I just got yet another call of someone going oh my they are so happy and everyone is up there just oooohhhing and awwwing over the baby. well how nice. this is coming from a person who knows my heart still is very very raw. but as it was put to me i dont need to be selfish.. umm excuse me.. I LOST A BABY YOU ASSHOLE! not just one my friends TWO! i have every damn right to be upset and disappointed that i dont get to hold and rock mine. that i dont get to breastfeed mine.. that i dont get to kiss mine good night at all. i have to ask the good lord to do that all for me! i am just upset.
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